Scars Aizawa x Reader
by WhiteYuuki
Summary: "A murderer can not become a hero." 10 years have passed since you set off on a mission, taking the role of an antihero. When you come back you need to deal with the scars again, which have not healed in spite of time. Pain and guilt do not let you forget about itself. Will friends from the past help wounds heal, or 'Eraserhead' will be able to wipe out uncertainty in your heart?
1. Chapter 1

_Prologue_

 _You looked with fear at your hands. No matter how many times you had this nightmare, you always felt like you were going to vomit. You wanted to get up and leave, but as always your legs refused to obey you. The blood that was pouring over your shoulders drove you crazy. You looked down at your mother's dead body, feeling dizzy. Every day the same dream, from the same moment. You turned away, even though you knew what was going to happen to you. Your father stood with the policeman in the middle of the living room. A nice young captain tried to calm the man, the one who gave you a furious look every now and then. Suddenly, the sounds of conversation came to your ears. You closed your eyes, expecting words that would come out of your father's mouth right away._

 _\- Her, a hero? How can a murderer save others?_

You opened your eyes, feeling a pleasant breeze. You looked at the big clock in the middle of the city and sighed. The world was coming to an end if that person was late. You looked up and smiled slightly when you saw the full moon. Over the past years, you've always taken a short break and looked at the sky. At night it had some magical power. It had something in it that the sky did not have in the daytime.

\- Forgive me for being late! - you turned around and looked at the blonde who, surprisingly, came here in his 'smaller, pumped up' form. You got up slowly, still leaning against the wall of the building on which you stood. You took a step forward and stood right in front of him. In spite of his poor condition, he was still taller than you, and his incredibly blue eyes were looking at you anxiously.

\- Who would have thought that I will live to the day when I will have to wait for you - you smiled slightly. You moved the sore bones and started to walk ahead, giving him a sign that you are not going to stay here anymore.

He followed you without a word. Less than half a year has passed, since your last meeting, and you looked even more tired than before. He was sure you had lost weight and the bags under your eyes had become gigantic. You were wearing some dark clothes, with long sleeves that skillfully covered your always covered in bandages arms.

\- Well, good, that you came back home - you stood and looked sadly at the man.

\- Home? All Might, do not kid yourself - he raised his eyebrows and followed you, expecting you to continue - I've only came back to get a permission to continue the mission - he stood and looked in horror at your retreating back, feeling the embrace in his heart when you started head towards the UA high school.


	2. Chapter 2

You were sitting on the windowsill, looking through the glass, at the playing and laughing students. The smile on your face just showed up automatically, remembering the good, old times. Or as you would call them from the time perspective. Your eyes shifted into a blonde man, who was sitting at one of the sits at the tables in principle's office. He has changed through those ten years, that you haven't seen him. He seemed more calm and serious, when Tsukauchi Naomasa, was presenting police statement on the mission that you participated in since, the last time you were in this room. You felt a sense of guilt, when eyes of your old friend, met with yours, making you turn to the window, once again.

There is about ten pro heroes present at the meeting, meaning that there is some missing. But you didn't really care about the others, it was that one, who cared mostly about, and was missing. Not like it made you sad… on the contrary. It was better for you that Eraserhead was absent. You weren't really thinking on what you could tell him, when you would finally see him. Not like he would actually care much, knowing from how he was in High School, but he still, probably, wait for some kind of explanations.

But it isn't the time to think about it. You turned around, when you heard your name. You looked at Nezu, who gave you a concern look, when you didn't say anything.

\- Sorry, what was that?- you asked blindly, feeling the irritated looks of the others, on yourself.

\- Are you OK?- your eyes turned to look at All Might, who was still in his 'other' version. Apparently staff at U.A. were informed about his 'special' condition. You wandered whether him, being a teacher in this school, was just his idea, or Nezu made him work here. You knew how snippy, he could be, if he wanted something.

\- Yeah, apologies, memories just struck my head- you answered, walking away from the window, standing in front of everyone. You never liked to be in a spot. You preferred to work in shadow, away from cameras, and eyes of the people. You did not care about the achievements or people's love. You never really fit into a dictionary definition of a hero… Maybe that's why you never, truly, became one- but if I'm honest, I don't really understand, why I'm here- you looked at Present Mic, who couldn't help but chuckle, hearing your words. It made you feel a little better. At least one of your last long friends, didn't feel like hating you.

\- Y/N-san please tell me you are joking!- said the police officer, who surprisingly didn't even looked mad, more like amused- I just spend half an hour to discuss our current situation…

\- Which is?- you asked, putting on a serious face- of course I did not ignore you, Tsukauchi-san- you continued, sitting on the verge of the desk, next to Nezu and All Might- I just truly don't understand, what do you expect me to do…

\- Absolutely nothing, that's the point…- started, with a visible discomfort in his eyes, when he looked at you- Tsuragamae-san asked you to stand by- you looked at the man, with not understanding.

\- Stand by? You mean don't get involved ?!- you raised your voice, starting to understand what is the point of her presence in here. You stood up and took a step forward- I would like to remind you, that this is MY mission, assigned to ME by this man- you pointed to the principal, who didn't seem like stopping you outburst- ten years ago, I got permission from police for this mission, so yeah, please tell me what is the reason, of such a situation?!- you stood just few steps away from the detective, who didn't look cushily with you presence. You almost never screamed or took physical actions, if not forced to, but yeah it wasn't easy to make you angry, especially, when someone tried to make an idiot out of you, which you hated the most.

-Police is onto some villain organisation, which may or may not concern your father, which comes to, not concerning your mission- you growled under your mouth, which the detective, took as a chance to continue- because we do not know what connections your father may have with this organisation, we would appreciate, if step away from your current mission…- he looked at you, trying to examine your decision. You perfectly knew, that this poor man was probably just delivering her a message, and the only person you should be angry at is this shitty Dog-faced guy…

\- For how long?- you asked, stepping back a little, to the detective's happiness.

\- We don't know, but may be from a month to couple of years- you flinched, hearing the last phrase- however….- you gave him an interested look, hearing uncertainty in his voice- it doesn't mean that we wouldn't need your help…

\- I am not a hero!- you jumped in, with a higher voice, understanding where this would lead- we have established that 10 years ago…

\- You did finish this school, and you have a right to work as…

\- I'm anti-hero!- you snapped, not happy about the direction, this conversation took.

\- Yeah, everyone in a school heard that- you twitched, hearing a too much familiar voice, behind you. You turned around seeing a tall man, with long black hair, tired look on his face and dark clothes, with a white scarf, witch he started to wear after High School. Your heart skipped a beat, when you looked at your friend, who didn't seem even remotely surprised seeing you. He just walked into the room, and sit next to Present Mic, who send him one of his smiles.

\- Well, if the whole school heard it, Eraserhead, I hope that the police did as well- you continued, turning around to the man. You didn't want to show that gave up, and HIS appearance had made you weak. No, not now. You needed to fight. You were mad, that the deal you had with the Police, was now being broken.

\- Hear him out, Y/N- it was the first time Nezu, decided to step in- we need you- yours widened hearing his serious voice. Someone like him, was hardly when as stern, which meant, that the situation was serious.

\- To be honest we don't care how you call yourself, whether you are anti-hero or not, but we need your quirk and skills, not a skill of anti-hero, but yours, LifeTaker!

\- DON'T CALL ME LIKE THAT!- you screamed, making everyone jumped in surprise. There… you snapped for real. You hated this name, and you didn't know why the detective called you like that. The name given to you by THIS man, was hated by you more than anything- Apologies- you added calming yourself down- just please don't use this name in front of me- you said, closing your eyes, and seating again at the verge of the desk- OK, please tell, what do you expect from me- you asked, knowing, that there is no way, that you would be able to continue your mission after this, if you don't lend them your helping hand.

\- We just want you to be around and help whenever you can… and to do that- the man looked at Nazu, who jumped right at your arm, as he did before, even when you still went to school.

\- We decided that you will be working here.

\- WE? WHO WE?- you asked with sour tone, looking at the Mouse/Bear with anger- and how do you think it would work? I hate kids!

\- You're not the only one- you turned to look at smiling Mic, who was hugging his friend, who seemed like was about to fall asleep- but it doesn't mean that he's a bad teacher!

\- I will be!- you looked with fear to Nazu- don't do this to me, please- you could swear you've noticed a psychopath's smile, showing on his lips, and you cursed under the mouth, knowing that it is practically a done deal- what about media? They wouldn't be happy with a school like U.A. to hire someone like me!

\- We hired Aizawa, so you can't be worse!- you forced yourself not to burst out laughing, seeing Shota's face, when the blonde, once again, decided to use him as an example.

\- Hizashi is making valid points- added Nazu, which brought some small laughs in the class- but what's more important, we would use someone like you. There may be students who would like to do undercover missions like you, so…

\- You want me to teach them how to kill bastards like my father?- you felt shivers on your back, when the room was filled with complete silence. You took a step too far, way too far.

\- Y/N being a hero is not about killing…

\- Sure, when you're a great All Might, and with one punch you can defeat anyone- you barked, looking at the man, who stood up, and looked at you with seriousness. It seemed weird, seeing him like that. An always smiling hero, was now, being too serious as himself- life is not always as easy as you think, OK?- you turned and look at all the gathered people- what you try to teach those kids is not what they're gonna get, when they leave this school. What if they would need to kill to survive?

\- Then teach them this- everyone looked at Aizawa, whose voice sounded like, he just woke up- those kids may need some cold shower, and this does not seem like a bad idea, at all- you looked at your friend with surprise. But on the other hand, you always had a similar way of thinking, so if anyone would be able to understand you, then he was the only one here. You could see an angry look on All Might's face, knowing, that he is not happy with where this conversation is heading.

\- As long as you're not gonna give the practical classes on how to kill, I don't mind- you turned and gave principal a surprised but somehow amused. You turned to see that the detective seemed like he decided to give up on the method, as long as you say 'yes'. You didn't know why, but it makes your stomach twitch when you thought of coming back here. The only place, you could call home, when you turned 14. It was here, where you learned all that you needed to know about the world, and its here that you made friends, that even after 10 years you still loved to bits. You looked on smiling Mic, who was giving you a thumbs up, and Aizawa, who… well he actually looked like he falls asleep, which didn't surprise you, but made you happy, that he hasn't changed that much.

\- Fine- you noticed, how the policeman's brows raised and you turned to him- fine I'll help you, but in return, I will be able to continue my mission after that- he nodded and you both shook hands, as a sign of a done deal.

\- Wait, Wait!- you turned to look at All Might, who stood up- Nezu-san let's think that through! Those kids are not ready to learn about those things…

\- So when will they be?- you asked walking towards him. You put your hands on the table and leaned forward, making your distance smaller- you can't really learn anything when you're dead!

\- Killing others doesn't have to be the only way out!- he said in tougher toner, keeping his eyes on you.

\- I never said it has to be, dear Toshinori-san!- you said smiling to him, showing your white teeth- but its one of many ways out, that sometimes you just need to use… or at least be aware of!

\- They are still kids!- he said, starting to understand that he's standing in the losing corner.

\- Who are gonna become heroes after they leave those four walls! Toshi, please I always admired your kind heart, but time to grow up- saying this you turned around and started heading towards exist- am still needed here?- you smiled seeing Nezu shaking his head. You smiled to Mic and left the room, feeling as your anxiety started to built with every rough questions. You didn't expect it to turn around like that. It just hit you, what you agreed for. You turned into one of the corridors, and sat on the floor, trying to slow down your beating heart, which felt like, was close to leaving the cage of your ribs. Your panic attack were always a thing for you, and thankfully they weren't as bad as they were when you were a child. Thankfully you were able to hide them from everyone, even your closest friends.

\- You alright?- you looked up, and smiled, trying to hide a state you really were at. The blonde was looking at you with happy expression and a big smile on his lips. You stood up, and before you realised he jumped towards you, and hugged you, burying your face in his chest. You froze for a moment, and then you hugged him back, feeling tears appealing in your eyes. You closed them tight, to make sure that they won't fall, and hide your face even more. You could have sworn, that he smelt the same as he did those ten years ago. Oh how much you missed him. His happy aura and this bright smile. He was like a sun, in your life full of shadows and miserable failures. He pulled you away from him, at arms distance and looked at you with mix of concern and happiness - **Shit, you're beautiful!-** you laughed a little giving him a gentle smack on the shoulder- seriously, you changed! I'm happy you're back- you felt warm spreading through your body, hearing his words- apologies, but Aizawa needed to head back, he had a patrol tonight- you nodded your head and felt a little blush when he hugged you again- I missed you- you felt shivers on your back, hearing his calm voice whispering into your ear. Oh how much you loved this man. He was your best friend and someone you felt comfortable with. Even after those years you still cared for him, and wanted to get a drink and tell him everything. You saddened knowing, that no matter what you couldn't tell him everything. Not about your mission, nor yourself. But you felt good, that he is here.

\- OK, Hizashi I need to go get some hotel room booked for tonight- you said, taking a step back.

\- You need to get yourself a proper flat now- he said, walking to the nearest hotel- since you're back- you looked at him and smiled a little. He leaned and kissed you on a cheek, like he used to do in High School and left. You smiled, and touched your chest, feeling your heart beat like hell.

\- Yes, I'm back !


	3. Chapter 3- Mask

You opened your eyes, feeling like you've not slept for ages. You sat on the bed and sighed. You managed to book a room in one of the nearby hotels. It was nothing high classes. A medium sized room with a small bathroom, a mini kitchen, a bed, closet and a desk. You didn't need more. It's not like you spend here any time more, than just the nights. You booked it for a week, just in case, you will not be able to get a flat somewhere in town. Mic was right, you needed one, if you were meant to stay here longer.

You stood up and scanned yourself in the small mirror. Your e/c eyes looked swollen from the lack of sleep, and you long h/c hair were in mess. You took some clothes out of the backpack you always wore with yourself and went into the shower, taking some time, with cold, refreshing water falling on your tensed shoulders.

Yesterday was nothing you expected. When you got information from Nezu and the Police, to meet with them, you thought it's gonna be one of those reports days. But now you were standing in a hotel room, thinking of how the hell, you supposed to teach kids. You were lying yesterday. You didn't hate them, they just… you didn't know how to behave in front of them. You didn't know how to tell them that the life they expect as heroes is not really so great. But on the other hand, should you? Till second grade of high school you desperately wanted to become a hero, even though you knew, you had no chance. Not with your past, not with this quirk.

You looked at your hands and sighed deeply. Nothing changed. You still feel the same as you felt in High school. A quirk you hated, was nothing but a part of you, which you couldn't get rid of. You felt spasm in your heart, when a thought of THIS name come to your mind. Maybe it does suit you… after all you are a LifeTaker…

You stood out from the shower, making yourself ready for the upcoming day. You put the same suit as you always wear on the missions. If nothing changed in U.A. this is how the teachers dress. But the question was… what were you even supposed to do… The talk yesterday just finished in a middle of nowhere, and you weren't sure, if what was told then, was actually true.

You took some necessary stuff with you, and hid the backpack under the bed. It wasn't easy to get rid of the old habits. You left the room, and starting walking towards the school. It was still early and you were sure, that there was no way that any students were in. You stopped in front of the gate and looked up, at the big, gold sign. It brought memories, and you had to admit, that they were good. Looking back in time, you miss those times. You would probably do some things differently. You hand went into your neck and grabbed a silver necklace. You took off your glove, and opened in, looking at the small picture in it.

\- You still have it?- you automatically closed it and put it back under your shirt. You looked up and noticed, black tired eyes looking at you. You put the glove on and you smiled a little.

\- Of course I do- you answered, feeling like your heart about to bump out your chest. He was standing next to you. He got taller, and his hair grow longer. The scarf, he started to use just after the graduation, was still on his neck. And his hero costume did not change a thing since they ordered it together. You could even see highlights of the yellow googles you bought him, as a gift. You remember his face, when you brought them to him. Needless to say, he was not impressed.

You looked at his neck, trying to see if he wears it as well, but you couldn't see a thing, because of the scarf. You didn't want to ask him either, as it just felt out of place. But you wanted to know if he still had it, if he…

\- I do – you looked at him surprised, but he didn't bothered answering. He just starting heading to the school, not caring about the security or anything that he passed. You smiled a little and followed him. He did. He still had it…

But seriously. This mind reading thing was scary!

Without saying anything you walked into teaching room after him. To be honest you have never been in here, and it was more normal than you expected. There was a table, a fridge and a…

-A… Aizawa?- you looked at the man, cuddled in a yellow bag, already ready to sleep- are you ok?

\- I finished patrol an hour ago, need sleep- you took a good look at him. Yeah he looked more tired than normally. What were you expecting… He was doing two job and the same time; being a hero and a teacher wasn't easy. He must be exhausted. You smiled a little to yourself, seeing his sleeping, calm face. Curls of his hair, fall into his face, making him look totally harmless.

You turned around and left the room, letting him relax. You felt a weird warm, when you were with him. It was different than when you spoke to Mic. You were nervous. You felt bad, not being able to look him straight into his eyes. What you did to him those 10 years ago was awful, and you're not sure, if he would ever let it slide.

-Y/N?- you turned around, hearing a voice of a person you were looking for. The principle was looking at you with a surprised look, but soon after that smiled and opened the office, letting you in- is something wrong?- you looked at him, not sure, if his question was pure theoretical.

\- Well, you forced me to teach here, so it would be nice to know what I am expected to do- you burked a little irritated with the whole situation. You were hoping, that he will be able to tell you everything, when you come today, but it seemed like nothing is scheduled.

\- I wants to be an adviser for kids. We have some in school, but still not enough- you raised an eyebrow and smiled a little bit, in an evil way.

\- Do you really want me to be an adviser ? Me? Come on, Nezu-san, I am the last person, who should give any assistance to those kids.

\- You haven't changed much, have you?- you crinkle your eyes at him, letting him finish, before you say what you think- you still look down on yourself, right?- you budged, tightening your fist- you have that image in your head about yourself, that you just cant get rid of, right?

\- You have no idea, what I have in my head- you muttered angrily, trying not to lose your temper.

\- Of course I don't- he smiled at you, which made you even more angry- but I know that your past I slowly taking away your present and future- you bit your bottom lip, to stop yourself from saying something, which you may regret in the future- this is why you are the best person for this job. You know how it feels to wrongly chose your path…

\- What makes you believe, that I chose it wrongly?- you asked, taking a deep breath.

\- It's been 10 years, Y/N, and you were still not able to catch your father… I am starting to doubt you event want to…- but he stopped, when one of your hands when straight into his collar, lifting him up, to directly look at your eyes- if you decided to become a hero, and forget about revenge…

\- Its not a revenge!- you snarled through your teeth, feeling your pulse rising.

\- Are you sure? Than forget about him and start living your own life- he said, with the same tone, just like your outburst didn't exert any fear in him.

\- I can't!- you started, tightening the grip on his shirt- I promised her- you added that, almost as a whisper. You put him down and he just turned around and gave you a box with U.A. written on it. You took and started heading towards the exit. You stopped and turn your head to him- don't EVER do that!- and you left, feeling like you're gonna throw up. You walked to the nearest bathroom, and almost run into one of the cabins, getting rid, of anything that you had in your stomach. Your heart was beating like hell, and you weren't able to stop it.

He has done it again! How could you be so stupid, thinking, he is not gonna try to get you on a 'right track' again, like he did, when you came to him first, to ask for the permission to start your mission.

\- _You studied those three days to become a hero, not an anti- he started, looking at you with a concern- I don't want to see in the dark._

\- _I am in the dark, since I was six- you snapped, not looking at your teacher. He was always a happy little thing, walking around, and jumping on students shoulders, but not now. He looked serious and worried. That look, which you hoped no-one would ever give you. Concern… You didn't want anyone to be worried about you._

\- _And taking on that mission, is not gonna help you leave this place- you looked at him and chuckled, making him shiver._

\- _Leave this place? Sensei, please tell me you are joking!- you throw up your hands in front of you, taking your gloves off, before- do you believe that with my past, and with this quirk I will be able to lead a normal hero life?- you asked, hoping, deep inside, that he will keep on saving you. You needed someone to show you the way, the better directions. Give you an answer, that you've been looking for, and running away from, for all those years._

\- _You have friends, that care deeply for you, going for a revenge is not gonna…_

\- _It's not a revenge!- you stated with stoic tone, which surprised him- I made a promise. Plus I am not doing it just for myself… I want to save them._

\- _And running away is gonna save them?- you budged, and you lowered your head, not knowing what to answer to that- you're going to hurt them and yourself._

\- _How do you see my life? Even if I find someone precious to me, what next? I can touch them, feel them, without sucking their lives out of them or me!- you looked at him, with tears falling down your chicks- the last time I did it, I killed my mother!- you screamed, falling down on your knees, not knowing what to do or say._

 _Someone please save me!_

\- _Just remember revenge is not all- and before you could answer, he left, leaving you alone._

You stood on your feet, feeling a bit dizzy. You took a box from the floor, and stand in front of the mirror. You put some cold water on and left. You walked into the coffee machine and thought it through. Your heart still beat like it wanted to jump out of your chest, but you needed it. You got one white with extra espresso in it, and before you left you turned around and took another one. Black with one sugar. At least that's what he drunk in high school. You took the coffees put them on the box and walked to the teacher room, which was still empty. Your eyes shifted into the clock on the wall. It was still around an hour before the start of the classes. You walked to the coach and sit on the little table opposite and put the coffee next to you, smiling to the waking up man. It took him a while, to understand where he is and what you are doing here. He got up and took a mug from you, taking a sip.

-You're ok?- he asked, not taking the eyes off of you. You felt weird and looked to the side- Your eyes are red- you got up and looked at the small mirror on the right. Apparently the cold water didn't erase all the effects of throwing up.

\- Yeah, I… I didn't sleep well- you lied, smiling to him a little.

\- Then why are you here so early?- he didn't even look at you anymore, focusing on his drink.

\- I need to prepare- you answered, showing the box on the little desk. You walked and sit next to him, opening it, to see the documents and some papers, informing you of your responsibilities and a contract for you to sign. You put the contract and other personal documents away, and took the piece of paper, informing you of your responsibilities. You frowned, realising, that Nezu was telling the truth. You were going to be an adviser. What a stupid mouse or is he a bear? You smiled a little remembering, what he always used to say.

\- An advisor?- you nodded, not stopping yourself from reading- I guess its better that, then to teach them how to kill- you looked at him with a bit of surprise.

\- I thought you were up for this idea- you said, putting the documents apart. He gave you his boring expression, which made you feel smaller than you already did. If you didn't know him, you'd think that he just doesn't care, but it was different. He cared but didn't show it. You knew you should talk to him and explain yourself. But just the thought of talking to him and him being mad at you, was scaring the bejesus out of you. The thought of loosing him for real, made your heart beat faster again. You closed your eyes, trying to calm down, not wanting to act weird in front of him. Not him. Anyone but him!

\- I wasn't against it- all Aizawa. As always thinking rationally, not letting his emotions go beyond his thinking. You started reading again, understanding that he is not gonna say anything else. You took a sip of your coffee and sighed. At least you're going to have your own room. But those working hours are going to kill you. You never mind working 12 hours straight, but not when it comes to some paper work and dealing with kids, who are gonna ask some weird, uncomfortable questions. You weren't sure, if you were mentally ready for this. But the only good thing, about it was, that you just needed to deal with hero classes, so just two, well six classes overall. Still too many…

\- YO!- you jumped, hearing a familiar voice- oi, did I walked into something?- the blonde asked giving you and Aizawa a prickly smile, which you new enough.

\- Seriously Hizashi, you don't have to scream!- you said, not even looking at him, still focusing on papers in your hand.

\- Y/N?- you looked up to meet black eyes pro hero Midnight- omg, its really you- she knocked Aizawa, away and hugged you. You smiled a little happy to see her.

\- Kayama-senpai, I cant breath!- you laughed, when she hugged you even more.

\- Good you deserve to suffer!- she said, pulling you away- how could you just go away, leaving only a letter behind?! You have no idea how much worried! – before you could answer, Aizawa got up and started to walk to the exit.

\- At least you got a letter- you felt sick, when you heard his dry tone, leaving the room, before anyway could say anything. You looked at the door, feeling tears in the corner of your eyes. What you feared the most just happened. He does hate you. He does remember and he never condoned. You wanted to run and catch him to tell him everything, but you were to scared. You weren't able to move from your sit, just staring at the door. Your heart beat stronger every second, and the feeling of being sick came back. NO! You need to conceal it. They cant see you like this.

Come on, its not your first time to hide your pannick attack. You can do it!

\- Y/N?- your eyes shifted into the woman, who gave you a sad look- don't worry, you know Shouta. He's…

\- An idiot!- Mic joined, sitting opposite you, smiling to you like always. You looked at them and gave them the most natural fake smile you were capable of. They should not have to worry about you. They should not see you in this state. Not them, not your friends.

\- It's ok, he has a right to hate me- you said, finishing your coffee, and organising the papers. You looked the last time on the room number, and put everything back into the box.

\- He doesn't hate you- the 18+ hero said, but you could hear hesitation in her voice. You stood up and walked to the door, to make sure, that the tears that were meant to fall, will not be open to their eyes. They worried enough. You don't want to make them sad again. If you are meant to live a normal life, than you're gonna do it, behind a mask of happiness, even if your heart and scars on them never truly healed.


	4. Chapter 4

You stopped in front of the 1A class. You left that class for later. You started your day with class B and needed to say, that you have met some interesting students there, making you think whether, you and your friends were like that as well. All those kids with dreams for their future, not knowing yet, what heroes' job really is about. You'll give them some time. Let them set in first, after all it is their first day at U.A. You knocked in the door, and walked in into the class. You greeted Aizawa with a bob. You walked to the centre of the room and looked at the surprised kids. Your eyes landed on some of them, who looked as surprised with your visit as Aizawa was, even though he didn't look as obvious as them. You took a breath in, feeling sweat starting to show up and your heart beat faster. Calm down! You really didn't like to be a centre of attention. It always made you nervous and sick, even during your high school years. You took another deep breath and forced yourself to smile a bit. You knew that a serious face, would not work well against those kids. - Forgive me Aizawa-san- you noticed how he flinched hearing your formal tone- But your class is my last one- he just nodded his head, already preparing himself to take a short nap in his yellow bag. You needed to force yourself not to smile a little seeing him like that. He really haven't changed much- hello, future heroes- you said with a weird cheerful voice, which strangely didn't even sound like yours. You swallowed the nervousness that arise in you and continued- I just came here to introduce myself. I am a new hero advisor, Y/N Y/S. I am staying in room 24 and I am open to help you in any straggles that you will have according your course- you stopped and looked at their quite surprised faces and sighed- I am aware of the fact that you just started, but I am happy to help you in anything that you need- you said, even though, you were not exactly sure, if that was true. You couldn't stop talking… The other class was different, they seemed more 'not carrying' and their eyes, didn't focus on you so much. Plus HE wasn't there… You looked aside and noticed his sleeping, calm face, which you used to love in school and now made you more nervous than it should- if you have any questions, please- you stopped as hands flew up, before you were able to finish. You pointed at the boy with plain looking boy, with green hair and freckles. - Are you a hero? What kind of quirk do you possess?- you felt shivers at your back and bit you bottom lip. Aizawa opened his eyes, visibly interested in what were you planning to say. Just sleep and ignore me, for god's sake!  \- I finished this school, just like you, more than ten years ago- you started trying to answer his question, not telling them too much- my quirk focuses on outside energy- you finished, hoping it will be enough. You exhaled, seeing him making notes, and not asking any more questions. You pointed at other girl, with long brown hair. - Are you a teacher as well? – you smiled to her and shook your head. - No, I was hired here for just a purpose of advising you in your professional career in the future- your eyes again landed on the raven haired man, happy that he was back to sleep, at least that's what he looked like. - So what was your profession, before you came here?- you twitched and looked at the boy, who gave you a plain look. You were sure, you've seen those eyes before. His burn on the left side of the face and two-coloured, evenly separated hair, made you shiver. - I was a police support- you answered, making your voice harsh, hoping that those questions will end soon- but my past is none of your concern- you run your fingers through your hair, seemingly tired of this morning. It was before lunch and you already wanted to run away and just sit in your room and look for a flat. Talking to others really is exhausted, especially, young, curious about the world around them, kids. - OK, that's enough- you relieved hearing your old friend's voice. He slowly stood up and stand next to you- we have some things to do- he gave you a tired look and moved his eyes to the kids- now move, we'll continue with our training- students got up and left the room leaving you both alone. You felt his presence close to you and you pulsed, when he bended to your ear- dare to join us and observe, Y/N?- you closed your eyes for a second, taking a deep breath, trying to calm your beating heart. - Sorry, but I've got some things to do – you said, not looking at him. Took a step away, and headed to the exit. For a second, you were sure, he was about to say something, but he let you go, which you were thankful for. You started walking to your cabinet, hoping that this day will end quickly and without any more issues. No stupid questions, or stressful situations, or your friends looking at you with a boring sight. You stopped, and looked at the man, standing next to your room. You bit your lip and walked to the doors, opening them, ignoring his gaze. You walked in, leaving the doors open, giving him a sign, that he may walk in. You sat at the desk and frown, seeing his changing figure. A steam disappeared and there was no sign of a big ass, All Might. All you could see was a tall skeleton man, looking at you with his blue eyes. - How can I help you Toshinori-san? – you took one of the folders sitting on your desk, and started looking through it- don't worry I haven't told them ways to kill others, yet- from the corner of the eyes you've noticed how he grabbed the back of his neck and smiled awkwardly. - I didn't come here for this- he sat down opposite you, not lowering his gaze- how are you feeling?- you lifted your eyes for a second and came back to reading- how is your first day? - Toshi- you stopped him feeling a little amused by his shy behaviour- what is it?- he looked at you with a strange concern, you couldn't read through. His eyes sparkled, looking, like he was contemplating whether to tell you. - Midoriya Izuku- he started silently, changing his eyes target into the wall beside you. You stopped reading and leaned back comfortably- he's the kid I gave One for All to- your eyes widened, you didn't say anything- a quirkless kid, who desperately wanted to become a hero… - I thought you got this job, to look for your successor – you said, when he wasn't up to continuing. He smiled a bit and started walking towards the window, looking through it, checking up on 1A class training. - Me too… before meeting him- he answered with low voice. You could feel in his voice, that he didn't seem like he regrets anything- he's gonna be the next Symbol of peace, I believe that- you stood up and looked at the same direction he did. So it was him. This plain looking boy from before, with sparkles in his eyes. You smiled a bit to yourself. He did look like All Might. This naive way of looking at the world. This sparkle in eyes and concern look on his face, when something didn't come as he planned. - He reminds me of you- the blonde looked at you and smiled a bit, nodding his head. He turned around and started walking to the exit. - I'm going to see if my boy has any chance in still staying in the class- you raised an eyebrow, not understanding what he meant. He automatically became All Might again, before walking out of the room- you didn't hear?- he asked, seeing your face- Aizawa once cut loose of a whole class, because they didn't have the 'potential'- you chuckled slightly, not believing, how much he hasn't changed since high school. - There's nothing crueller than letting someone chase their half-baked dreams- All Might stopped and turned to looked at you- he told me this once…- you explained, seeing his uncertain face. _\- You've spent almost three years working so hurt just to give up now ?- his eyes turned red, visibly mad at your decision. You smiled and patted him on the arm._ _\- Shouta, you know that I need to do this !- he bit his lips, making his hair go higher, which made you chuckle a bit – plus not every student gonna leave this school doing what they want. Dreams don't always come true- ha calmed down and sighed, sitting on the ground, at the school roof._ _\- Don't you think it's just cruel? – you gave him a surprised look, not understanding what he meant. You leaned and put your head on his laps, as you always used to- There's nothing crueller than letting someone chases their half-baked dreams. And you are a true example of it._ \- He is a good man, Toshi… Don't hate him for his judgement- the blonde smiled and started walking again, stopping few steps away from the doors. He couldn't say, you were best friends, but he has known you for almost 5 years now and he learned to notice, when your true personality comes out, from your eternally cold self. Your eyes shined a little, giving them a sign of life, that made you look younger than you truly were. And for reason, which he didn't quite understand yet, Aizawa was a reason for your up to beat livelihood. - I know, Y/N- he answered and left your room. You sat at your chair and moaned to yourself, wanting this day to end. All those kids, the eyes, and questions you didn't want to answer, made you more tired, then during any of your current missions. This was nothing you expected. You took one of the documents and started to read. Nezu was 'nice' enough to make a brief description of students in all the classes. It was impossible to remember all of their names and quirks, but hell you decided to give it a try. After all, those kids will come to you for advice. It will make them feel better, if you at least know from which class they are. You started with third years, knowing that, those gonna come to you most often. After all, it is their last year and a help from an advisor, can be helpful, no matter how shite you went through the papers and stopped looking at one name. Mirio Togata. He was a part of 'Big Three' as U.A. liked to call it. You looked at his grades and academic references. You narrowed your eyes and chuckled. He had to really be good in using his quirk as he was an idiot. You check as his 'internship and hero work' and whistled to yourself. You were impressed seeing the heroes name in there. Sir Nighteye. You didn't expect him to get any interns from before the third year. And it seemed like this whole Togata was an exception. But this was not a reason why, he caught your attention. He reminded you of someone. His pictures, and opinion from teachers. You let the air out of your lungs, and leaned comfortably. He seemed to you as a perfect match to inherit One for All. You wandered if Toshi knew of him. You shook your head and put the documents aside, deciding that, this is none of your business. At least for now. He made his decision, and knowing him, it wasn't a stupid one. 


	5. Chapter 5- Endeavor

You were sitting at your desk, watching the video from practical classes of class 1A with All Might. You needed to admit, that most of those kids, were really scary. Bakugo and Todoroki were above average, and Iida used his surroundings the best from all the students. However, you needed to remember to talk to Toshi, to remind him, that as a teacher he is responsible to take care of Midoriya. This boy really had the potential, but for now, he is just hurting himself. You were sure, that Recovery Girl wasn't happy to see him again, but this was none of your business.

You tuned to look at the video of class 1B from their practice and you sighed. You felt like those two classes will surely compete, in the near future.

You flopped into the desk, hiding your head into your arms. You were so tired. Again wasn't able to sleep well, especially that you came back home, quite late. After leaving school at around seven, you went for some shopping and stopped by the commentary. You weren't sure, if going there was a good idea, but you weren't there for about eight years. Too long. It made you feel bad, when you stood over your mom's grave. No matter how many years have passed you always felt quilt. You killed her, not being able to control your quirk. You became a murderer at the age of six. This one situation, brought some much pain onto your misserable, future life.

You got up and went to the window, opening it, taking a deep breath in. You felt like you were close to being sick. You lean back on the windowsill.

\- Are you OK?- you turned around quickly, hearing a familiar voice behind you. Your eyes widened, surprised to see him.

\- Yeah, just needed some fresh air- you answered, smiling a bit. You walked to the tea cattle and gave him a questioning look. He nodded his head, and you took two cups from the shelf, putting some coffee and sugar into them. You took the mugs with you and sit down at a small coach, where he sat down waiting for you- so what can I do for you ?

\- I need those videos- he said, nodding on the resources on your desk- need to watch it, before my next class- you could see, the irritation in his eyes and chuckled a little, gaining his look- what?

\- Nothing, its just surprising how much you try to hide, the fact that you care about them – he grunted giving you a serious gaze- don't look at me like that, you were always like that. You cared more, than you ever showed.

\- And you talk as much, as you used to– you laughed a little, and took a sip of your coffee- can you just put them on?

\- I just watched them- you said, with bored look on your face.

\- Then you'll watch again, come on… to be honest I may need others opinion about those … kids- you sighed and got up, putting the video and came back to the coach, smiling, seeing him getting ready, to go inside his yellow bag.

\- Oi, but don't fall asleep- he stared at you for a while, and then turned to the TV, not even saying anything. You turn them on, and sit down, taking a small notebook from the table, and started making notes, riveting his attention. He gawked for a while, but never said anything. He turned his eyes into the screen and focused on the video.

This time, you focused more on their techniques, making notes, next to the names of the students. You smiled seeing, that you already made three pages long of notes, just after one fight. You stiffen, feeling something falling on your shoulder. You turned to side and smiled, feeling your chicks burn when you noticed his head on your shoulders. His eyes were closed, and he looked so calm. You gently put one of the locks, over his ear, uncovering his face.

You couldn't believe that after those ten years you felt the same squeeze in your stomach, whenever you looked at him. You weren't a teenager any more, so you had no right to feel that way, but you did. You loved him back then, and you loved him still. You raised your hand, closer to his cheek, but stopped in the middle.

You can't do that. All those feeling you needed to keep away from him. They needed to stay in your heart, and only there. He hates you, and there is no way he would let you touch him that way, if he was awake. You felt clutch in your heart when your eyes shifted into your hands covered in gloves. Touch him?

What a joke! You will never be able to touch him! Pathetic!

You wanted to take them off and feel his skin touching your fingers. Feel anything. But you knew its impossible, cause if you tried you'd hurt yourself, or what's worse, you could hurt him, and this you would never forgive yourself.  
You took your hand away and put your head on backrest, feeling like tears are slowly filling our eyes. You felt the same as you felt ten years ago.

 _-You can't just go, without telling him!- it was the first time you saw him like that. An always happy, cheerful and definitely too loud Hizashi Yamada, was never as serious as he was right now. His eyes glittered from tears, that were running on his cheeks, just second ago. You didn't want this. You never wanted to see him cry. Not him, not anyone. This is why you left Midnight and him a letter. But he knew. Somehow he knew, and found you, before you were able to leave. You weren't ready for this. Your heart was beating too fast, for your own good, you started to sweat and couldn't see as good as before- you didn't even leave him a letter- you noticed tears falling on the ground and you touched your cheeks, realising that they were yours._

 _\- I can't even imagine, what I would tell him- the blonde looked at you with sorrow. He understood your decision. Didn't believe it was right, but as a friend, he wanted to support you. But what you were planning to do was just too awful._

 _\- He'll grow to hate you for this- you shivered, hearing those words- he deserves at least a letter, don't you love him!- he screamed, not controlling his emotions. You covered your ears, feeling like they would break. You moved closer and hugged him, giving him a kiss on the forehead._

 _\- This is why I don't leave any letter, Hizashi- he gave you a surprised expression- and you say he would hate me?- you stepped back and started walking away- that's even better, and least he won't feel bad, after my death._

You didn't expect to see him. At least not before you finish your mission. To be honest you were HOPING, that you would never see him again, and wouldn't need to look him in the eyes. You wouldn't have to explain yourself, and try to tell him, what you weren't able to say to Yamada ten years ago. Why you didn't leave him a letter, an explanation?

Because I love you Aizawa Shouta!

You looked up and continue to watch the video, making notes. You didn't wake him up. He looked tired and deserved to sleep. Plus the closeness made you feel good.

You are disgusting!

You knew that, but couldn't fight with the feeling, that you were alone for two long. Away from home, family, friends. As much as knew that you didn't deserve this warmness in your heart, you were thankful for it. You wanted it to last. You wanted to wake him up and tell him everything, about your past, about the mission, failures, and all your feelings. You wanted to hug him, kiss him and get your bodies closer to each other.

NO!

How can you think about it! You can't show yourself to anyone. You have become sickening throughout the years. All those scars and bruises made you look awful. You didn't have the body of a woman, but a fighter, which made you hate yourself even more. How could you even think for a second, that any man would ever want to see you without clothes on. You don't deserve anyone. They don't deserve to see you like that. You put your head back into the rest and covered your eyes with your hand. You hated yourself more than any villain could hate All Might. You hated everything about yourself. Starting from your quirk, which despite of your age and experience, you were still unable to fully control, up to your body and mind. You hated it all.

How many times you wanted to finish your miserable life. But your voice from that day made you stay a little longer.

 _I promise you, mom, I'll kill him!_

Yes, but when the mission will be finally over, you will be able to leave for ever. Forget about the pain you feel and have already given to others. You will finally be free from all this guilt and hate. If HE'S not gonna kill you, then you will end your life by yourself. You've had enough. You can't take it any longer. Till that day comes, you'll act and pretend like everything is OK. You will pretend in front of all those people, that you care about. Until this day comes.

Your body winced, when you felt soft skin on your chin. You looked down, just to meet his black, tired bloodshot eyes, gazing at you. No emotions could be seen on his face, but his gentle stroke of finger, on your chin, jaw and cheek, showed you how worried he was. He brushed your tears away, making you stiff under his touch. His hand was so warm and surprisingly smooth. You needed to force yourself, not to give in into his touch.

You coughed and shook his hand, slowly standing up, making him sit down. You started to shake and your headaches started to appear. You needed to leave this room. Get away from him, from your memories. From everything.

\- You can stay here. You got coffee and tea there. I made you some noted from the fights you lost so feel free to use them- and before he was able to chime in, you left the room, almost running to the nearest toilet. You went into first cabinet and throw up into the toilet, tears running from your eyes. You were still shaking and the pain in your head was starting to be persistent.

You sat on the floor for couple of minutes after puking stopped and put your head on the cabin wall, trying to relax your breath and beating hurt. As much as you relaxed a bit, the tears didn't seem to stop falling. Why does being here hurts so much? You never felt that bad during any of your mission. Even after your first 'professional' kill, you weren't that depraved of energy and emotions as you are right now.

You slowly stood up, automatically falling into the wall. Your legs were still shaking, not adjusted to your state. You just realised you didn't eat anything. It was almost three o'clock and you didn't have anything in your mouth. Not surprising, that you felt so physically weak. However, you knew you wouldn't eat. You didn't feel like.

You slowly opened the door and walked into the sink, and looked up into your reflection. You looked awful. Your hair was a mess, bungs under your eyes were now bigger, than Aizawa's and cheeks were red out of puking and crying. What a pathetic picture.

You were able to kill people without a flinch, and there you were surrounded by stupid emotions and memories. It needed to stop. You wouldn't go far, if that will continue. But what to do? You wanted to talk to Nezu and ask him to let you go, but you didn't want to explain yourself. It would be too much trouble and it would require too much mental strength from you, which you just didn't have. You weren't even sure, if at this state you would be able to fight or use your quick effectively.

You washed your face with cold water and head out of the bathroom. You started walking back to your room, but then you stopped, realising he may still be there. You needed a save place, where you could hide and relax. Away from everyone and everything.

You started to walk towards the stairs, but then stopped, when a familiar figure, just walked in. You felt anger rising in you, and you clenched your fists. Why now?! Out of all those people why him?

He stopped seeing you as well. He walked closer to you, looking at you from the heights. You could swear he hasn't changed a bit since you last saw him. Still, the same look on his face, telling everyone that even being number two, he is the best.

\- Well look at that… who do we see! An anti-hero, LifeTaker. The biggest disgrace to this school and any hero!

\- ENDEAVOR!


	6. Chapter 6- Pathetic

You stood there, looking at the man with a mix of anger and fear. This was the worst time, that he should have appeared. Why now, when you felt like shit, and your mental state was not ready to deal with him.

You hated him, since you did work placement at his company. You remember every little thing he told you, about how you will never be a hero with your current control of your quick. You bit your bottom lip, when his habit of calling you by THIS name, stayed untouched. He knew what were your plans after finishing the school and the only reason, he took you under his wing, was to break you. He believed that before you would become an anti-hero, you would first be caught by him, as a Villain.

\- So the rumours are true! I truly don't understand what's in the head of this mouse!- a big grim appeared on his face, with eyes telling you the same thing as they did years ago, 'You are nothing'- this is a disgrace to the school and all the heroes, that he gave you, a murderer, a job in here!- you stiffen, clinching your fist. You needed to calm down. You can't just let him drive you into losing control. You knew that this is what he really wanted- so tell me how is your 'mission' going along? How many people have you killed already?- you narrowed your eyes and sighed, calming yourself down. You looked up and smiled showing him your teeth.

\- Apparently one too little, if you're still standing here- you could see him pulsed. You could feel a small victory, when he made a small step towards you. You didn't do anything. You won't show him anything. You weren't afraid of him. You were in school, and he was a pro-hero. Whatever could be said about him, reputation was the most important thing for him. And you, as well as him, knew that if he attacked a teacher in U.A. he would end that good opinion, he worked so hard on.

\- Is that a threat? – he hissed, not taking his eyes off you- you are aware, that threatening a hero is a crime?

\- A threat? God forbids me!- you bridled theatrically, throwing your hands up into the air- who am I am to threaten a Great Hero number two, Endeavor? – you took a step closer and stood near enough to make sure, that he would be the only one who hears you- you can take that as a warning- you fold back with a surprise face, when his flames attacked you. You smirked and wanted to say something more, when you felt how your quirk is being removed. You turned around and met with the black haired man's eyes and a gaze given to you by a number one hero.

\- Endeavor-san, I'm not sure it is reasonable to start a fight in the middle of the hall- the blonde started, walking towards with Aizawa at his side.

\- Eraser head, All Might, you should keep your pet on the lead- you snorted, looking aside. Your friends sighed apparently not too happy, to be caught at the middle of your fight.

\- I'm not a fucking dog, to put me on a lead!- you hissed, giving him a warning look.

\- Language, you're still in school- Aizawa mumbled, looking around at the students, who started to stare. Can you blame them? Two top heroes, a teacher and a new advisor, seem like starting a fight. You can't see that at the street.

\- Than he better watches his mouth- you groaned, feeling anger raising inside of you. Your anxiety disappeared, and was replaced with a growing irritation.

\- This is what I mean. Giving a job to someone, who doesn't even know…

\- Todoroki-kun- All Might stepped in, between both of you- lets not make a scene- he said, smiling as always, but you could see how he tensed- not in front of the kids- he added, seeing that the hero doesn't seem like calming down, or walking away. His eyes landed on you and a smirk appeared in his lips, and turned around, starting to walk up the stairs. But then he stopped and still standing back to you all, he added with a stoic voice.

\- Just keep an eye on her, once a murdered feels blood on his hands, he can't stop…- you didn't know what happened. You felt like it lasted a second, and to be honest you were surprised that Eraser head was able to act. Only after couple of seconds you felt the pain, when the fire, from the hero's body, melted your clothes and bandages, which covered your arms dissapeared and your arms started to burn. He was pinched to the wall with your one hand, and the other one, was stopped with Aizawa's scarf, feeling your quirk being erased. It was just then, that you notice a lack of the glove on your left hand. You didn't know how it happened, but it gave you a big fear, knowing, that it would end up drastically if he didn't act as fast. Did he expect you to do that?

You jumped away from the number two hero, feeling a gaze of all the students, and All Might on you. You took your glove of the floor, when Aizawa let you go, and douched your burn skin. A blood started falling from it, You unwrapped the bandages from other part of your arm, and wrapping it on the painful place, stopping the bleeding.

You looked at the surprised Todoroki, who was still standing pinned to the wall. You could see, that he perfectly understood the situation, he just luckily avoided. You put the glove on, and without a word, walked away, leaving three of them alone.

It took Endeavor a while, to wake up from the mesmerizing thought of escaping death, only thanks to quick response from other hero. He tensed and starting walking toward the direction, you just went to, only to being stopped by All Might.

\- Trust me, it's better to leave her alone- he said, with a serious tone. He looked pissed off both at you and the hero.

\- She almost killed me!- he hissed through the teeth, probably more pissed at the fact, that he was saved by someone, who was not even at the top ten- she's going to pay for this!

\- Calling a governmental hero a murderer in public place is also not a smart choice- both of them turned to Aizawa, who was just standing there, with both arms crossed on the chest- if you didn't engage that, nothing would happen.

\- You're saying I asked her to jump on me, with her murderous intention and this fucking quirk of her?!- he snapped, walking towards the raven haired man. All Might was happy, that the bell rang, and the students were now at the class. Nezu is not gonna be happy, when he hears that, especially that Endeavor puts a lot of money into this school.

\- Yes, I do- he said, not leaving his gaze off of him. Toshinori sighed and put a hand on the flame hero's shoulder.

\- Let's end it here! – he said, not surprised, that his hand has been pushed away. They were never friends, but Endeavor felt a weird respect toward number one, which made him listen to him. He gave him a last stare and left- it was unnecessary, Aizawa-kun- he said, turning to his friend, who looked like the whole scene didn't have any impact on him.

\- If I didn't say that, he would focus his anger on Y/N not me- he answered, walking towards the coffee machine- it stopped him from killing himself.

\- It was dangerous- All Might bowed a little, thanking for the coffee- she's…

\- Strong- he finished, sipping on the awful coffee- a strong anti-hero, with a powerful, uncontrolled quirk with a fucked up mentality is never a good sign to anything.

\- She's been acting weird for the past few months- Aizawa pushed the door handle and sighed. He knew you were there, but the door were closed. He gave up, not feeling like making a scene.

\- Well, she was never a normal person…- he added, walking into a teacher room, sitting on the couch, feeling like he needs to sleep that over. He hated the scenes, and he always thought you did too, but apparently, there were still some doors, which you didn't completely closed, and throw the key to.

\- But she was a great agent! Able to control her emotions…

\- Have you ever seen her making the last move?- All Might stiffen and looked at the man surprised- you don't know whether she doesn't act like that during fights. You don't know if she isn't- but he stopped and sighed, understanding that a stupid theorising will lead him nowhere.

\- Are you going to talk to her?!- Aizawa gave him a questioning look- apparently you are her best friend. From what I heard from Present Mic, you were the only one she listened to in high school- the raven haired man sighed and shook his head.

\- It was more than ten years ago- he said- plus from her last message to me, it seems like this friendship wont last too long…

You walked into your room and slammed the doors. You took a little vase from the table and you throw it into the wall, feeling anger boiling inside of you. You collapsed on your knees and started crying, like you haven't cried for ages. You started to shiver and took an empty bin and threw up. You flopped into the side of your desk and felt like you wanted to scream.

You couldn't understand what happened there. You couldn't control your body, when it attacked him. Maybe he was right? Maybe you were a monster who thinks only about killing. You couldn't get rid of a thought, of what would have happened if Aizawa didn't stop you. He knew, he expected you to attack him, it only means that he thinks the same as this son of a bitch.

You hide your head into your knees, hearing as someone tries to open the doors, that you closed, not even knowing when and how. It was him… You were sure… You can't look at him or talk. Not to him, nor All Might.

Wow you really are pathetic!


	7. Chapter 7 - USJ

You were reading through a report, that you managed to get from one of the anti-heroes, who owed you. It seems, that your father was like a shadow. Unable to see during the day, and only stopped and captured if you get a light.

You sighed falling into your couch. You were itching to go into the field, you wanted to search and do something. However, you were just seating in here talking to one student a day, if that was good, and just waste your time. You weren't even sure, if you had a right to act as a hero, and go to patrols, and after your last conversation with Nezu you don't really feel like going and ask him about this.

It was hard to deny, that he wasn't too happy about your little out burn against number two hero. He gave you a lecture about how you are a part of teaching stuff now, and doing something like that in front of the kids was unacceptable. You couldn't stop but smile, of the thought, that he never worried about the fact, that you could have hurt Todoroki.

You took a big notebook, where you got all of your notes, and started to read them through, feeling like if you won't do it, you will just fall asleep. You started with class 1A. Most of your notes were made after the training with All Might. You needed to make a copy of them and leave them for Aizawa.

You didn't talk to him though. After the 'incident' you ignored him as well as you could. All the papers you just put it on his desk at the teachers room. You knew you couldn't face him and listen to whatever advice he would tell you. You knew you should thank him for saving your ass up there, but you were still not ready for this. Plus he didn't look like he was looking for you either. After this one time with All Might, he seemed like he gave up. In comparison to the number one hero, who gave you an energetic lecture about your attitude and how you should try to ask someone to help you control your quirk.

The thought itself made you laugh. Control it? It was impossible. It would be like trying to control the synapses going to your brain. You coursed under your nose and got up and walked to the window. It was a lunch time and most of the students made the best out of the great weather.

You smiled remembering all the time, when along with Present Mic, Midnight and Eraser head, you run to the roof of the school and spend there the whole lunch break, viewing the whole city. It was always your favourite spot. It was no other than Aizawa who showed it to you.

 _\- Are you sure we can be here?- you asked, when he sat down, rested on the wall behind him. He just hummed something, you weren't really sure about and gave you some box._

 _\- My mom made extra- you walked in and sat next to him, accepting the small carton, and your eyes lighted up, when you notice couple of oat cookies with chocolate chips._

 _\- OMG ask your mom, if she can adopt me- you laughed, shovelling one into your mouth._

 _\- Having you as a sister would be too troublesome- you hit him lightly on the shoulder, pretending to be offended. But you laughed just a second later, opening your lunch box, which comparing to him was nothing special- can I have your rice roll?- he asked and you gave him a surprised look- I like them. You put something special into them._

 _\- Its nothing really, its just- but you were shut with his hand on your lips._

 _\- If you tell me the surprise will be vanished and I won't like them any more- you chuckled a bit, feeling your cheeks redden, when he moved his hand._

 _\- Why? – you asked and he smiled a bit not looking at you._

 _\- Because it would mean you wouldn't have to make them for me any more._

You felt a nice warm feeling in your heart. Hisashi always called him a 'sly bastard', and to be honest he wasn't mistaken. Aizawa wasn't someone like Mic, who would get people to like him, just by his attitude. No... His attitude was a reason, why not so many people wanted to be friends with him. He seemed lazy and clumsy, not caring about anything but sleeping and cats, which apparently was a secret that only her and two others knew. He was plain looking and clumsy with words, not really caring too much whether what he said may hurt someone. He was always honest and too rational for a fifteen years old boy. But he cared greatly for those who decided to stick around, even after finding out, what kind of person he is.

You yawned and started walking out of the building, leaving a note, that you're away. You just remembered that Aizawa's class was at USJ having a rescue training. Maybe you'll have pick look, at some students you brought your attention during All Might's class. Yes, it was still better than sitting in the building and doing nothing. You're gonna go there and make sure to not be seen by anyone.

You took a deep breath happy to be out. The sun was shining, but a slight wind was cooling down the temperature. You knew the students took the bus, but you knew a good shortcut through the park, and decided to use it. You would probably be a little late for the end of the lunch break, but well…

You smiled seeing that the park hasn't really changed since the last time you've been here. It was night and you met with All Might for a shirt 'friendly' talk. He really likes giving lectures, even though he was definitely not good in it. However, for some reason you liked spending time with him. His happy appearance and ability to talk about himself for ages, made him a good company, when you needed to run away from your work, only for a while. You couldn't afford to call any of your friends. When you were still on the field, it would be dangerous for them, if anyone notices that you spend time with them. But who, in their right mind would attack the greatest hero?

You started walking faster, when you were almost there. But then your heart stopped, when you felt a weird energy coming from inside the building. You bit your lip and started to run. Your intuition was normally right, and you preferred to listen to her this time as well. Just when you were on the straight way to the weird construction, Iida run out with a fear on his face.

\- L/N sensei!- he run to you and gasped, trying to relax- Villains attacked us! Aizawa sensei and 13 sensei are fighting against them. I was sent to get all the heroes- you felt shivers down your spine- I am so sorry- you looked at him with a surprise- I wanted to stay but 13 sensei…

\- Good job Idda-kun- you interrupted him, trying to calm him down- if you go through this park up there you will get faster to the school. And don't worry, I'll come and help them.

\- Please be careful! They came to kill All Might- you gazed at him with disbelieve but put a hand on his head.

\- Don't worry, just go !- he nodded and left you alone. Your heart started to beat faster. What the hell happened there? Why were there villains?! Why the school didn't get any information about it !? You breathed in absorbing some more energy and just high on the roof. Form what you know there is a window, that you can open from outside. You can't just walk in using the front doors. But as you were about to open the window, you noticed something that made you feel automatically sick. Aizawa was being pinched down to the floor, with blood dropping down. His googles were broken and a bird looking villain was sitting at him. You clinched your fists and before the monster was able to break hero's second hand, he was away, on your back.

You turned your gaze and noticed three of the students standing in the water. You looked around really quickly. Most of the villains were already down, probably thanks to Aizawa. The only one left were two in front of you. The monster, and the man with hands stuck all over his body, giving you a surprised look. You stiffen and turned your head to the right sensing the energy of other villain, up the exit. You turned your head back into the two standing in front of you. You put Aizawa down. You knew he needed a doctor, but you can't do it now. Not when those three are behind you and those villains, just waiting for your other move.

\- Who are you?- you heard the man voice. You narrowed your eyes, noticing that he was just a boy. You felt blood in your mouth and you let go off your lip.

Think! You need to save them all, till the rescue comes!

\- Oi, you there- you said, not too loud, to make sure, that the other will not hear you. Toshinori's pupil looked at you with a slight surprise- take Eraser head with you and go the exit.

\- What about you? – he asked, and you gave him a serious look- this guy is super strong! – you looked at the piece of meat, just standing there and waiting for something. You could see the boy next to him saying something, but you weren't paying attention.

\- Don't worry about me- you said and started to collect energy from around. You could see how they shivered feeling a slight change in air- I'll take care of them and you head to 13…

\- I don't think she is going to help them- you turned your head back to the villains, when the third appeared- she seems in pieces- you gasped not believing what is happening. It was impossible. You couldn't believe that this thing was able to defend someone like 13.

\- Midoryia- you started, straightening up- before you go, tell me about them- he nodded his head and his eyes seemed to be a bit more relaxed.

\- The big guy seems like he's really strong and it isn't his quirk, as Aizawa sensei was trying to erase it, but he couldn't. The guy who just appeared is responsible for opening barriers. And the third one did this to sensei's elbow- you looked down and bit your lip again. It hurt you seeing your friend like that. You couldn't even imagine in how much pain he was in right now. You were just hoping that he fainted and doesn't feel too much.

\- Good job- you said calmly – you can- but you pushed him away and sending energy to your arms you blocked the boy, from the monster's hit. You groaned feeling the impact of the attack. You were almost sure that he broke some of your bones. But it wasn't the time to think about that. You absorbed enough energy, to minimalise the pain. You jumped taking the boy with you when the villain attacked again.

\- Sensei, are you OK? – Asui asked looking at you with a surprised, when you seemed like this attack did not affect you.

\- Get Aizawa and your asses out of here- you said, feeling your calm voice disappearing- leave them to me! – and when you said that you took your glove off from you left hand, preparing for the attack. You were hoping you will be able to deal with it, without this power, but it was three against one and your priority was to save the kids and Aizawa. You also needed to make sure, to be in good shape to help the injured after the fighting was over. You smiled to yourself seeing them leaving slowly, with their teacher on the boys back.

\- Oi Kurogiri… Who the hell is she?- the boy asked and you could hear impatience in his voice- she wasn't on the list!

\- I could ask you the same question- you started, taking a step forward- who the fuck are you and why are you here?!

\- We are League of Villains and we came here to kill All Might- the warp guy said in an annoyingly calm voice. You looked at him and laughed out loud.

\- Kill All Might?! Oi, are you serious?!- you shaved a single tear and looked at them- are you idiots?

\- Nomu, kill her!- the boy said finally. You jumped avoiding the monster's attack.

So he does what the boy say? So if that's it, all I need to do is get rid of the boy!

You passed the big guy and sending your energy into legs, you were now, behind him, step away from the attack. You screamed when Nomu appeared next to you and with one move, he crushed your arm. You jumped back from him, not even knowing how, you were able to escape from his grab. You hissed seeing the warp next to where you were just standing. So Kurogiri just transferred him here.

\- Those gloves and incredible energy absorbing! You are anti-hero Life Taker!- one of them said, and the hand boy smiled a bit- who would have thought you worked in U.A.

\- Life Taker? Woow ! Cool name!- he said with a visible joy in his tone. You looked down on your arm and cursed. You had some crushed bones and if not for your energy absorbing quirk you would probably not be to function out of the pain. But you were fine. At least till now. You knew all about the outcomes of using your quirks too long. You needed to end it quickly. But how? There were three of them and you were just one. You didn't have any extra weapon and you weren't even in your hero costume, which always helped you to absorb the energy faster- I heard you have no heart, killing every possible Villain!- you pulsed and tried to ignore what he was saying. You needed a plan. A good plan, that would work for the time being, before other villains appear- I wonder if you had any warm feeling towards your students- you widened your eyes at the boy and then understood what he meant. You transferred the absorbed energy to the feet and appeared in front of the students, just to block Nomu's attack, and having the boy's hand stopped just in front of your face. Your left arm hurt as hell and you were also sure you broke some muscles in your legs.

\- Eraser head, you are amazing!- the villain said and you looked on the right on the man, you with his last strength stopped the attack, probably saving your life. You noticed a mix of pain and surprise in his eyes and before you could do anything, Nomu backed up and with one move pinned your friend's head into the ground. Just when you were about to do something Tomura's hand gripped your neck and you felt skin being vanished. You felt blood in your mouth and with your left, broken hand, you touched his arm. He looked at you with a surprise feeling his energy being sucked from him. He jumped back visibly annoyed. With your last afford you transformed the energy that was still left from previously into legs and using your speed took Aiazawa again from the monster and took the kids into one of the corners. It happened in blink of an eye, so you weren't surprised to see them lost.

\- Forgive me- they looked at you. You could see a plain fear painting on their young faces. They didn't deserve that. To see al these, to experience it. You needed to protect them, no matter what. You were aware, that if you use this, and then try to use medication on other, you may end up dead. But you didn't care. It was the first time after school, that you felt you could actually help someone, and not only kill. Those kids deserved it. They had a bright future ahead of them. Plus you really needed to save Aizawa. You would do it, even if it was the last thing you ever did in your life.

You closed your eyes for a second trying to hide all the pain that came to you at once, after the energy you absorbed was all gone. You fall on your knees, not able to stand up as you muscles and joints were broken for sure, the same went to your left and right hand, which was broken when you absorbed Nomu's last attack. You definitely looked worse than Midoriya after All Might's training.

\- OK, listen to me carefully now!- you started, knowing that, the villains will not wait for ever- what you're gonna see now, is nothing you should copy. You are forbidden to EVER put yourself into a position I'm gonna put myself in- you smiled feeling weird, being the one to give a lecture- when I tell you, make sure you're gonna stop breathing for about a minute- you looked at them and they nodded.

They looked scared and confused, but you were proud of them. You knew they are going to be amazing heroes one day. You stood up trying not to think about the pain, holding into the wall. It was time to finish it. You closed your eyes and shouted- NOW!- you felt your body tense and your organs absorbing energy twice of their capacity. You had about 55 seconds, until the up bit stops. You need to finish this in that less of a minute. You disappeared from the students eyes, and the second later Nomu was thrown into the wall. You quickly broke his arms and legs and shifted into the boy. Twenty seconds. It this one minute you were stronger than even All Might. Twice as strong. But you will pay for this. When the impact finishes, your organs will break and the pain you're going to feel, will make you want to die.

One more step and it will be done. One punch and the boy will be down. You gasped when a warp opened and the boy disappeared.

3.2.1

You screamed, when felt a punch into your ribs, which broke them into pieces. You gobbed the enormous amount of blood on the floor and fall on your face. You turned your head with a fear in your eyes seeing no one other the Nomu, you defeated.

How!?

You felt tears in your eyes when fall on your spine with the knee. You heard a crack and screamed. He took your arms and broke the rest of the bones that may still have had a chance. You looked to the right to see tears in the kids eyes. You failed.

Who the fuck are you, if you can't even save some kids!

You widened the eyes, when Nomu got off of you, and you felt someone turning you around. You wanted to scream, but couldn't when the voice didn't come out of your throat. His hand landed on your left part of your chest.

\- I don't like when someone is sucking my energy out of me- he said and smiled, when your skin was ripped and he could see the muscles structure- I will go slowly, till I get into your heart…- he stopped for a second and smiled sadly- I wish you were a villain. You are truly scary strong. I would use your power- and his hand landed on your hand again. You looked to the side, hearing Midoriya running toward you.

No! Run kiddo, I can't help you any more!

And then everything seemed like stopping. You heard a noise at the entrance, and Tomura's hand moved away. He stood up and with a big smile on his face, he looked at the entering hero.

You were never so happy to see him. He came at the last minute, but he's here. Kids are safe. You closed your eyes, feeling the wind, made by him moving you, and Izuku to where Aizawa was laying and the other students were standing. You smiled a little feeling a warm, strong arm, wrapping around you. You looked up and felt shivered down your spine.

-Toshi, smile- you looked down and looked genially surprised- you're All Might… He always smiles!- you could see sorrow and his blue eyes. You could feel like by this one stare he tried to apologise to you. You shook your head, hoping that he will understand- Aizawa…- you started coughing blood- take him and me to 13… I still have energy to help them- he hissed not happy.

\- You're barely breathing! This will kill you!-he snapped. You chuckled putting hand on his chest.

\- Please… I need to save him… I need to save Shouta! Please, Toshi- your eyes started to water again. He knew, how much you loved him and he knew that you would do anything to save Aizawa, but he couldn't move. He knew that if he lets you do what you want, there is a small chance you'll survive- please- you begged him, like you never did before in your entire life- please take me to Shouta- you cried and he just nodded his head. Just after a second he took all of you, up to 13 and other students. You could hear some screams and voices of the kids, coming closer. You knew you looked awful and probably should not show yourself to them like that. But you still had stuff to do before this all is over.

All Might put you down, and you stood up on your trembling legs feeling weak with every little step. You felt a swoop and knew, that Toshi has left you all, to go deal with Villains. Your legs felt like warm noodles, you weren't sure how you were able to get to 13. Healing her was a priority. You trusted the number one hero more than you trusted yourself, but you needed to make sure, students will have a support if one of the rogues run off from the bottom stage. You fall on your knees and with all the might you were left with, you took the glove off your broken, shredded right hand and put it on 13's back. You bit your lips, when the energy you still had in you was sucked. You needed to focus, that's why, you ignored all the voices of students. You knew they were scared, but you needed to focus on healing. If you make one bad move, the hero can become paralysed.

\- Senpai!- you opened one eye and looked at 13, and smiled a little, hiding your broken left arm behind. There was no need for her to know and worry- you look awful- you stop the treatment, when all the muscles and bones were healed.

\- Thanks- you chuckled- I need to take care of Aizawa! Please make sure the students are safe- and as you were about to turn around you fell on your front, feeling like you can't move a muscle. You cursed under the nose and started to get up.

\- Sensei, please stay calmed, if you move…

\- NO!- you snapped and with many problems you put the hand on your friends head- I will save him! I will do what I can do, don't you dare to stop me!- you could hear multiple gasps, surprised with your impulse. You closed your eyes and breathed in. There was almost no energy left in you. You needed more! You focused and started to inflate the energy from around.

\- What the hell is wrong with the air!?- screamed Kirishima, looking around, preparing to face the villain.

\- It's sensei's quirk- Izuku explained- we felt that before her fight… From what I understand her power increases, when she inhales the energy from the surrounding… - you felt his gaze on your back and smiled. He was a smart kid, with an unbelievable talent for deduction. He really did remind you of All Might.

\- Midoryia, Kirishima, Bakugou and Todoroki- she said feeling how her throat hurts with every letter she spoke. It was still bleeding, form the villain's attack- please go and help All Might. It's three against one. Don't get at his way, but be there just in case he needs you- they all nodded and left- forgive me 13, I…- you stopped and couched with blood, landing next to raven haired man. You were happy as his brain tissues were not as bad, and he was not in life danger any more. You couldn't heal the outside scars and burn, but you were able to restore muscle and put the bones back… of course in a remote level…You moved your hand into his elbow and send some energy to put all the muscles and sinew all together.

\- Sensei, that's enough, please!- you heard Ochaco's voice, when another cough made you spill some blood on the ground. You smiled and wanted to say something but you felt as all the energy just left you and all the pain, that you were hiding bit by bit, now hit you with double force. You started to lose conscious and felt like fall on the floor, when you heard a shot next to your ear and a strong hand of your friend, wrapping around you.

\- FUCK Y/N! What the hell did you do!?- it was all you could hear before passing out.


	8. Chapter 8 - Please wake up!

He was holding you in his arms, with a fear in his eyes. You felt so fragile and so weak. He never seen you like that. Not even this one fight after the sport's festival. Your legs and arms looked like they were about to fall down. They looked worse than Midoriya's after his quirk. He was shaking, he couldn't focus. He put you down on his knees and put his head on your chest. He sighed with the relief, when he hears a small heartbeat.

\- Hizashi-kun- he turned around, when the principal walked to you- there should be an ambulance outside already. Take her and go to the Recovery Girl- the blonde one looked at the bear with a surprise.

\- Recovery Girl?- he asked, getting up, only just noticing, how light you were. He thought that you seemed like, you lost weight, but never imagined you'd be so light.

\- If she looks like that it meant she used her quirk, so the only one who can now help her is, only Recovery Girl!- the hero nodded and started heading to the exit, sending a bright, comforting smile to the students and Midnight. He hold you close to himself and didn't even let go, when walked to the medics.

\- We're taking her to the U.A.- he said to surprised doctors- now!- they nodded, and put you on a bed inside the ambulance. He was there, holding you by your arm and looking at your tired, blooded face.

\- What happened there?- asked the young man, who was slowly checking her up- those damages…

\- Just get her to Recover Gi…- but then he stopped and grabbed the young man's hand, when he tried to touch yours- I wouldn't do it, if I were you… Energy absorbing is her quirk- he swallowed and nodded his head. No one talked for the rest of the road, and when they hit the school, the hero took you, not listening to a word the paramedics were saying. He just took you to his arms and walked into the building, ignoring surprised and scared looks of the students and other stuff, who stayed behind. Without a knock, he walked in and stopped in front of the woman.

\- Please… help her! – she stood up and quickly prepared the bed. He put you down and took a step back.

\- Was she fighting in USJ?!- he agreed, not being able to look away. He felt his heart hitting the ribs cage, but he didn't care- you poor, stupid girl- she said quietly under her nose- did she use it?

\- We don't know… We came in, and she already looked like that! I… There are still Aizawa and 13 coming! But they don't look as bad, I think she healed them…- she just nodded and sighed deeply.

\- Ok, you have to leave now. I'm gonna operate now- he wanted to stay, but knew, that it would be better for you, not to fight now and just listen to the one who knows better. He walked out, giving you the last look.

Both Midnight and Present Mic were sitting outside the room. All of the hurt ones were already brought to the Recovery Girl. One after the other, she didn't even have the time, to go outside to talk to others about the state of the patient.

\- Hizashi- he turned around to look at his friend- they're gonna be alright? Right?- he smiled and without a word just hugged her. She wasn't weak but friends was a topic that made her a complete different person. She was someone to fear, when on her hero patrols, but couldn't think straight when her friends were in danger. They got up when Recovery girl left the room, looking absolutely tired.

\- 13 and Aizawa-kun are better than expected. Y/N saved them with her quirk, especially when it comes to Eraser head. If it wasn't for her healing he would probably have lost sight- she sighed and sit on the chair outside the room- All Might and Midoriya are just in this room. They are going to be ok and can leave home tonight. It's completely different when it comes to Y/N- saying this she got up and started to walk to the room you were in. They followed, and walked in behind her. You were laying in bed covered with bandages and a pair of gloves on your hands- she's in a comma now and if I am honest I am not sure if she is going to wake up- they both pulsed, and tears seemed to appear in Midnight's eyes- her both arms has been crushed into almost every bone, but that wasn't an issue, as I was able to deal with it… The problem is with her muscles and tendons, who are completely shredded… I cant heal them right now as she doesn't have any energy left in her, and by trying to heal her I can actually kill her- she stopped and sighed heavily- and not to mention her internal organs. She was lucky that didn't inhaled a little more of energy, if she did they would blow off internally… - they gave the two of them a look and smiled sadly, seeing that they don't really understand what she meant- thanks to her quirk she is able to inhale the surrounding energy and double or even triple her power for some seconds. Normally people use around 80 % of their body strength. Sometimes if the mind sense the danger it can occasionally go into a 100%... but what she did to fight the villains and heal the others was to double the volume of her organs… Well you calculate that into using 250% of the body's strength…- she didn't need to say more. They understood enough. She went too far, way too far.

\- Why did she do it?- Nemuri asked with shaking voice- she probably felt an enormous pain.

\- Shouta- Mic said quietly feeling the women's gaze- she didn't care if she died, as long as she saved him, it would be enough for her… She thought to save the kids and healed 13 knowing, that there needed to be a hero, who would be able to save the students, if something happened to All Might- he stopped and groaned- she was always best when it comes to strategy… And the bravest…

\- I would call that stupid- Kayama added smiling a bit- she is a hero after all, heh?- everyone smiled and nodded, understanding the meaning under her words.

You felt weird. Your body was so light but you couldn't move it. You didn't even feel it. You heard everything, but couldn't see. There was no pain but a guilt rising inside of you, when you heard your friends' teary voices. You didn't want them to be sad. You needed to wake up and show them that you're alright and they don't need to worry any more. But you couldn't. As much as you tried, your eyes stayed closed. You tried to much but they stayed unmoved, making you feel more and more quilty. You needed to wake up and see how all of the others are feeling. Are all the kids ok, did All Might won, is 13 feeling better, and what about him? Is he alright, did you manage to save him, or at least heal enough for recovery girl, to do rest? You could hear the answers to those questions, if you only woke up.

Open your eyes you bloody coward!

His head went high, when the door opened. After Hizashi and Midnight came to visit, he did not expect anyone to come, especially that late. He turned his face, which, as almost the whole body, was wrapped in bandages. Thankfully, the nurse took some of it, off, from the eyes, so he didn't have to guess, on what's happening around him. He raised his eyebrows seeing a tall, skinny, blonde man walking inside. He himself looked tired and had some patches covering his body.

\- Good to see you awake, Aizawa-kun- he said, closing the doors, and seating himself down, next to the bed- but Hizashi-kun was right, you do look like a mummy- he tried to joke, but Shota himself noticed, that the blonde hero wasn't in the mood.

\- What happened All Might? To be honest you were the last person I expected to see- he chuckled, but his face was back to serious tone.

\- I came to apologise to you- Eraser head frowned not understanding- because of my egoistic moves in the morning, I was there when all of this happened- he started bowing his head down- I used my limit to take care of some simple villain works and I didn't have enough energy to come and help you out, only after you were all already… I was late, because of my foolish actions, which I am sorry for…- the raven haired man sighed and shook his head.

\- Well you're still number one hero, so those 'foolish' actions are still part of your job, plus there was no way you could expect something like that happen- Yagi looked up and smiled sadly- just knock it off!

\- Thanks- he said, holding his hands together- I promise I will be more careful.

\- Good thing nothing happened to the students- Shota started putting his head on the anchor- well of course except of Midoryia of course, but well… I think I just need to get used to this?- All Might laughed a little bit nodding his head- plus I heard 13 is doing well. She may leave the hospital tomorrow. And you look ok, so everything is ok…- Toshinori's smile died, and his eyes shifted back into the man.

\- You really don't remember, do you?- Eraser head gave him a surprised look. All Might sighed. Hizashi has told him, that Aizawa did not seem to remember to see you there, and probably doesn't even know, that you're in the hospital. He asked the number one hero, not to tell the man, but he felt like Shota, had a right to know. He would find it out anyway.

\- Remember what?- he asked, feeling a bit nervous. Did something happened, which he didn't remember? Did anyone got hurt and Hizashi didn't tell him.

\- Y/N is in critical state- All Might chocked it out, before you would bite his lips. He could see, Aizawa's eyes widen… They were the only feature, that wasn't covered by bandages- She is severely injured… Recovery Girl is not sure, whether she will wake up from this…- Aizawa looked at the number one hero with disbelieve. His heart felt like it wanted to leave his rib cage and the he felt shivers going down his spine.

\- Oi… you're kidding right?!- he hissed and gave him a dangerous look- what the fuck happened to her?!- he snapped turning around to the man, feeling a pain in his bones, which he ignored.

\- She got a message from Iida and rushed to help you guys. After getting you into a save place, she fought with three of the villains that were left, saving the students from obvious death. From what I heard, you saved them all once, when Shigaraki tried to kill Asui- he stopped and looked at Aizawa with a sad look- after that you fainted and Y/N needed to fight alone. When I came she was already in a terrible state… From what I heard from students, she used her quirk. What I understood from Midoriya's noted, she inhaled too much energy- he stopped and clenched his hands together- it is my fault, that she's in such a terrible state…I let her go… I let her go and heal you guys- he could notice how Shota pulsed- from what Recovery Girl, thanks to Y/N 13 is still able to move and you haven't lost a sight and is still able to move your right hand at all…

\- She did it, despite the fight? – he nodded and Eraser Head felt sick. You were always foolish, but this was different. You could have died, if you overloaded, and he was sure, you were fully aware of that…- why? She could have fucking die!- he hissed- didn't she has some kind of fucking goal? Wasn't that goal a reason why she left ten years ago?

\- Aizawa-kun…- All Might started, but stopped. He had no right to tell him anything- I think your anger towards her blinds something important, about her- he widened his eyes, when the hero stood up and starting walking towards the door. He opened it and stepped outside- her friends, were always the most important thing for her!

He walked into your room, feeling shit. Everything hurt him, and his arms itched, but it wasn't the reason why he felt like that. He couldn't believe how injured you were. He sat next to your bed, and watched your whole body covered in bandages. He forced Recovery Girl to tell him everything about your state, and let him see you. Now he didn't know what he should do… You looked so peaceful, so innocent… so hurt. He tried to remember whether you as shite as now, but couldn't think of anything.

\- I'm sorry- he said quietly- Please… Please wake up, you idiot!


	9. Chapter 9 - I'll Stay

_**You looked at how Nomu crushed Aizawa's head into the floor. You wanted to move, but you couldn't. You felt like you're your feet were glued into the ground. One more hit and another. The blood spreading around and his black, always tired eyes, looked like they were about to lose any sight in them. You were sure, you've seen pain in them and tears slowly gathering. Or were they your eyes. Maybe you were crying. You couldn't do a thing, and you felt sick, when your friend's body just stopped moving. You wanted to scream, but before you could do anything, a hand appeared in front of you.**_

You opened your eyes, feeling the pain striking you. You wanted to take a deep breath but couldn't when a burning pain, went through your throat. You looked around when your eyes got used to the light coming through the window. You gazed down when heard a quite snore. You tried to smile, but even this little gesture made you incredible tired and in so much pain.

\- Hi…za..shi- you could hear your raspy, husky voice, slowly remembering what happened and why you had some much problem in making the smallest sounds. However, this quite hoarseness, has made the blonde hero open his eyes and got up quickly, when he finally realised, what he heard. You felt a warm hand on your cheek and noticed a smile on his face.

\- Finally, for fuck's sake!- he laughed and grabbed your cheek a little tighter- you scared the hell out of us!- before you would say something, he turned around and left, coming back with an elderly woman, who welcomed you with a bright smile.

\- Well hello, sweetheart!- she greeted you and walked closer- how are you feeling?

\- Be… been be… better- you said feeling the pain rising in your throat.

\- Sorry, I should not have asked- she smiled a bit and gave you a sad look- you shouldn't really speak. You are in a terrible shape, so need to rest. Unfortunately in a while the drugs are gonna stop and you're gonna feel an incredible pain… I am so sorry, but before you gain some energy back and start your own auto therapy, I can't help you…

\- Do..n't apo..log..ise..- you tried and coughed, with a bit of blood coming out of your blood. Recovery Girl didn't need to say, you knew what was wrong with you. You expected how your organs looked and why you can't move an inch. You were actually surprised you still felt your arms and legs, which meant you didn't loose the sense in them.

\- Y/N- you change your sight on your friend and gave him a comforting look- you really scared the shit out of us… - you nodded slightly- and you look like shite!- you chuckled which you begrudged.

\- Bastard!- you hissed laughing a little- Hiza…shi…- you started before he left- what's with… the… students? And 13, Toshi and….- you stopped feeling a harsh feeling coming to your throat, making you cough again.

\- They are all fine. Same as him- he said smiling to you. You felt relieved and managed to smile a bit- I need to go, my class starts in ten minutes- you nodded and he left, leaving a peck on your forehead.

\- I'm…sorry…- you said to Recovery Girl, who started to change your bandages. She just smiled and pet your head giving you a bit of comfort, before you felt tears coming to edged of your eyes, feeling like the medication is slowly disappearing from your body.

\- You ok?- the woman asked, seeing your expression- did the drugs stop working?- you nodded and bit your lip. You knew it would hurt, but damn you never expected the pain to be so out of this world. You felt like everything just stated to hurt at one second. Every bone, every muscle and brain cell. But you needed to endure it. You can't show anyone else how much it hurts- you need to survive for two more days and I will be able to heal you- you nodded again. She smiled to you and left the room, when the tears of pain starting to fall from your eyes.

You turned your head to the window and sighed, seeing the sun outside. You didn't feel like laying in bed all day, but you were aware of the fact, that it will take that, before you would be able to actually get out of that bed. You were happy, however, that you were able to stay in the school, and not been sent to the town hospital.

\- You look like a mummy- you turned your gaze into the opening eyes and beamed seeing blue eyes rolling through your body- and I thought that Aizawa looks funny.

\- Is he ok?- you asked quickly and coughed with blood, feeling a scratch at your throat.

\- He is, already started classes today- you widen your eyes and shook your head- yeah it was everybody's reaction- you smiled. Even though you weren't happy, that he was moving around the school again, you knew, that it was 100% Shota. He couldn't be forced to stay in the hospital too long. Especially if he was able to move- you scared us- you gave him an apological look- I should have stopped you and not let you…

\- I... wou..l'd do it… any… way- you murmured not being able to say it any louder.

\- I know- he said smiling a bit- thanks to you 13 is leaving the hospital today and Aizawa hasn't lost his sight. You truly are incredible Y/N- you shook your head, not being able to say anything else- the kids were worried, you know- you raised your eyebrows, not understanding- you left a mark on them, you know. Boys think your 'bad ass' and girl worry, that you overworked yourself- you chuckled a bit- even Bakugo asked if you're alive- you heard about his tough personality, but somehow you seen him as quite an interesting kid, who, one day, will become a truly amazing hero- Midnight asked me to tell you, that she will come and woop your ass, when you will finally be able to move- you couldn't help but laugh which cost you to feel a strike of pain going through your body.

\- Seriously Toshi… How…do…you deal with… that…pain?- you hissed, closing your eyes. He was the only person, who you would show pain to. He saved your life once and seen you at the worst, so there was nothing you needed to hide from him. Plus you knew everything about him as well, so there was just no reason for secrets, between two of you. You pulsed feeling his huge hand on your bandaged arm.

\- You get used to it- your coursed quietly, which made him chuckle- I'm really sorry, I didn't come earlier…- you opened your eyes, and sighed seeing his sad look.

\- Toshi, look at me- you said as loud as you could, forcing yourself to stop the cough- you are…not in… blame here! You saved …everyone… you saved... me- you beamed to him, making sure that it actually looked like a smile, and not grimace of pain. You budged with surprise, when his hand went to into your cheek. You smiled feeling a warm touch and unconscious you leaned into the touch. You missed it. The heat that goes from the touch of someone else and it made you feel in ease.

\- You truly are amazing, Y/N- he said and smiled- rest well ok?- you nodded and puffed, when he moved his hand, and chuckled hearing your reaction. You closed your eyes, when the door closed. It wasn't under now, that you understood, that you may have died. You overworked and made one step too far. Probably if you wouldn't be alive, if Present Mic didn't bring you fast enough to the Recovery Girl. You have to make sure, that you'll buy him a drink as a thank you.

\- I thought you're sleeping- you felt shivers down your spine, hearing the familiar voice. You turned your head and noticed raven haired man, all covered in bandages, walking into the room. All Might was right. He did look pretty ridiculous. You wondered how he was able to do anything with both of his hands in clutches.

\- I've slept enough- you joked and smiled a little, not being able to see his expression, of just eyes, which were the only thing uncovered- you… look…interesting- you said trying to keep your voice steady. He lowered your gaze, when he didn't respond. He made a step closer and sit on the chair beside the bed- how… are…

\- Stop talking- you dreaded hearing his tone- doesn't your throat hurt?!- you bit your lip and nodded, feeling your heart skipping a beat- thank you- you pulsed, and exhaled, just now realising, you were holding your breath. You were waiting for him to continue, and looked up, when there was a silence- you went too far, don't do that again- he stood up and started walking towards the exit.

\- I'd do that as many times… as needed… if that meant you being…safe- you said quickly and couched with blood and tears appearing in your eyes. You coursed in thoughts, not being able to bite your tongue.

\- I didn't ask you for help- he said, not turning to you- nor to heal me…

\- You baka!- you hissed, making him turn around and frowned hearing your words- you're my…friend- you said smiling a little – I…- but before you would add anything you felt a strike of paining going through your body, and a couch started. You walked to you closer, when the blood started to flow from your mouth, with every small cough. You started to breath faster, not being able to inhale enough of air. You lungs, liver your heart, felt like they were all squishing very hard at the same time.

\- Y/N- you heard your friend's concern voice- oi, are you ok- you closed your eyes, feeling his fingers on your cheek- Y/N!

\- I'm OK, Shota- he twitched hearing you saying his name- sorry, to make you worry- you breathed and tried to smile, but another cough came, with you spilling the blood over your duvet.

\- I'll get Recovery Girl- you shook your head.

\- Stay… It's OK…- you said and started shaking- stay with me, please- and when you noticed him sitting down, you fainted out of the pain.

\- I'll stay! As long as you need me!- he ran a hand over your hair and smiled sadly- and don't apologise, you idiot!


	10. Chapter 10- A letter

You were sitting on the hospital bed. It was two days, and today was the first time after the accident, that Recovery Girl was able to heal you. She helped with your throat and was able to put some of the muscles back together, however, some still stayed untouched, which you could feel really precisely. It hurt as hell, but you bite the bullet, trying not to pay attention to it. You shifted your eyes, from the window, to the doors, when you heard a knock. You sighed and put the best fake smile you could get and invite your guests inside.

With Aizawa being against any students visiting you, you needed to ask All Might to send a message to those six ones, that now entered the room. You could see lost in their eyes. You weren't surprised. It was precisely those six you wanted to see. You smiled a little seeing that they were all looking fine, even Midoriya, who you heard, was injured after using his quirk.

\- Sensei…- he started looking at you tentatively.

\- Please don't call me like that- you interrupted and smiled as brightly as you could. You needed to try. Those kids don't need to see you suffering. They need to know that you are alright and don't need to worry about anything. It's not their job to do it. They have done it enough.

\- So, how should we call you, Ribbit? – ask the girl, who seemed confused of being here.

\- L/N, call be by my last name, please… I am not your teacher. I am just an advisor- you answered and you noticed Bakugo hissing under his nose. You raised an eyebrow, noting how he was still looking at your bandages covering your arms and almost whole body- what's wrong, Bakugo?- he raised sight to look at your eyes, and then looked away, like ashamed of being caught.

\- Who the hell are you exactly? And how does your quirk work? – apparently it was something that all of them wanted to know, cause except of Asui's discomfort look, no one said anything. You smiled and sighed loud, putting your head on the pillow behind you.

\- I guess I do have some things to answer, especially, to those who heard a word anti-hero- you looked at Midoriya, Asui and Mineta. They nodded their heads, not looking into your eyes- but you know this was not the reason I called you all here… I wouldn't be surprised if Aizawa-san would storm in here in a second, to get you out of here, so let me first say what I wanted at the beginning…- you gave Katsuki and apological look and smiled sadly- to be honest I'm not sure, what I should start with… Apology or a thank-you…- they gave you a surprised look- it was irresponsible of me, to ask you to go and help All Might- you looked at the four boys- so I guess an apology will be first- you turned on your bed with you legs hanging off it and bowed your head- I'm sorry, Bakugo, Todoroki, Kirishima, Midoriya for putting you in a position of danger. I can promise you that I will never do this again. I also understand that with my pure behaviour you may have lost any respect towards me. But I do ask you not to do it towards All Might, or any other teacher. It was my decision, which have…

\- L/N- san!- Kirishima stopped you with a blank look- oi, oi, please stop!- he laughed uncomfortably- it's true that you asked that, but to be honest- he stopped and look at his friends- we would probably go, even without your plea- he laughed a little and Bakugo chuckled.

\- Exactly- he added, giving you his characteristic big smile- so don't worry about it… Seriosuly… that's kind of lame, that a teacher or as you call yourself an advisor bows in front of his students- you smiled when Tsu and Izuku shouted to him something about the respect. You thought a lot on how this conversation should look like, and this was the only way you thought of… However, you would never expect Katsuki, to be the one who would actually try to make you feel better, no matter how disrespectful that may have sounded.

\- I am sorry, but you will have to bear with it for a while, as I'm not finished- you said, smiling to the blonde boy. You turned your gaze to Asui and Mineta, with your eyes still on Izuku- some apologies should be send to you too. I should have acted differently and get you all out of there, however- you stopped contemplating if you truly wanted to keep going with this road od thoughts- saving others is not really what I'm doing every day and I wasn't ready for this kind of steps. I let my personal feeling get better of me, which I owe you apology for- you smiled sadly and looked directly into the girl's eyes- Asui-san you must have been terrified when Shigaraki attacked you… I need to apology for my incompetence and my movements to be too slow… If Sho…Aizawa-sensei wasn't there I'm not sure I would be able to protect you…

\- L/N-san what are you saying?- she asked smiling to you – you stood in front of me, and was ready to take the attack on you… I own you my life! Please, there is no need to apologise to me!- you nodded, thanking her silently. You than sighed and looked at confused Minoru.

\- Aizawa was wrong about you- she said, making him look even more surprised and confused than before- you are braver than you or anyone thinks… If you didn't stop Tomura's second hand, I'm not sure I would be able to react in time- you bowed to him, which made him recoil in surprise- and of course I should thank you all for all the help and courage you showed that day…- you stopped, smiled and bowed lower than you did before- you will be amazing heroes one day! – the room went quite and the students were looking at you with a mixture of surprise and respect, which you thought you lost in them.

\- I think it is us, who should thank you, L/N-san- started Tsuyu- well, you save us, Ribbit, and because of that you are here with so many injuries- you looked at your body and smiled- you really are incredible, Ribbit!

\- And a mystery to us- added Shoto, who stayed quite till now. Your eyes landed on him. You knew about Endeavour's action towards his family, but you were hoping till now, that the rumour about his son, was wrong… Apparently not.

\- Oh yeah… - you started, sitting back, like you did before, biting your lips, when a pain attacked every part of your body- so Midoriya do you know who an anti-hero is?- he gave a surprised look- you always keep the notes about everyone and everything, so I assumed you are the best person to ask.

\- There are no information about it…- he answered, looking down, ashamed that he didn't find anything. You chuckled bringing their gazes on you.

\- Of course there's none, I just thought, you tried to ask All Might about it- you winked at him and coursed under your mouth, when you moved too fast. You could see a fear in his eyes, but you decided to ignore it for now.

\- And there is a reason it is kept as a secret- everyone turned around hearing a low, irritated voice, from the now, opened doors. You narrowed your eyes and sighed. Well it took him more than you thought- I will kill All Might- he hissed, which made you smile a bit, feeling sorry for the number one hero- and you- he gave his students a scary look- go back home, the school has finished for today!- they nodded and saying goodbye they left, definitely feeling unfulfilled and mad, that their class teacher needed to walk in at that moment. But they were lucky, you thought, because it was you who needed to deal with his unsatisfied position towards you- that was stupid- he said, sitting next to you, on the small chair. After you lost conscious two days ago, he hadn't visit you once, at least not when you were awake. You didn't blame him, but you had to admit, you enjoyed the fact, that he has finally came here, even if only to scold you.

\- I didn't know you can be so intimidating- you started, laughing a little bit. You always done that. You used jokes to make the awkwardness go away. Apparently, recently it has become a normality when it came to your relations with Shouta. You could feel his tired gaze on you, even when you didn't look at him. You grabbed the duvet and clenched fingers into it. You could hear a loud sigh and you knew he was irritated.

\- It's not like you, to mumble all around!- he started, watching your expressions- nothing good would go with them knowing about your 'real' job and your quirk…

\- Not like me?- you asked, before you were able to bite your tongue- and what is, like me, Aizawa, cause I managed to forget- you lifted your head and looked at him. He didn't need to focus to much, to see the pain in your eyes. The same pain, you had since the third year of school. The same dull expression, like you don't care about anything, which was only a mask, which would help you hide all the negative emotions gathering in your heart. You were able to fool Hizashi, or Nemuri, but not him. However, not matter how many times he tried to talk about it, you secluded yourself even more and didn't let him even try to help you, or understand you more. From that time you started to isolate from your friends. You focused entirely on the education, started to train harder, coming to school with all sorts of bruises every day, and you took the internship with the most hated by you, hero, Endeavour. You changed, and keep on changing for the next two years, until you left, with a word of goodbye. At least not to him. He closed his eyes remembering that day.

 _He was standing in front your apartment door waiting for you to open. It was too long. He couldn't take it no more. You changed too much and he couldn't recognise you anymore. You shut down on anyone who tried to get closer to you. Mic, Midnight… even him._

 _He narrowed his eyes, when you weren't opening. He knocked harder, starting to get a little nervous. For the past years you have become quite predictable and your day looked normally the same. You got up, went to work, took some extra patrol activities and by this time, you were always back home. But not today._

 _He walked toward the window and looked inside. It was dark. It wasn't the time for you to go to sleep. Too early… He knocked at the window, hoping that this will work._

 _\- She's not here!- he turned around and pulsed seeing his friend with red eyes from crying and still wet from the rain that happened about 30 minutes ago- I'm sorry Shouta!- his voice was trembling, and terrifyingly quiet._

 _\- Oi, you're ok? – he asked looking at his eyes- were you crying?- he never seen his friend like that. Never seen him cry, nor to be that upset- and why are you apologising? – he raised his eyebrow, looking at the piece of paper, that the blonde gave him._

 _\- I tried to stop her, I am sorry- Aizawa felt his heart skip a beat, when he opened the letter and recognised your writing. For a person who worried so much about perfection, you had a terrible writing, which always made him smile a bit. But not today, nothing about that letter seemed normal._

 ** _Hizashi-yashi!_**

 ** _I am sorry to tell you all this through the letter, but I wouldn't be able to leave, if you were here, next to me… Any of you…_**

 ** _I have left a similar note to Midnight, but comparing to you, she will read it tomorrow after her patrol. This is why I am asking you not to go and look after me, when you finish this. I have made my decision three years ago, and all I have been doing since then, were only steps for me to stand where I am now._**

 ** _I know we never truly talked about, and I am thankful for this, that none of you forced me to do it. But I think you have a right to know. When I was four, I found out about my quirk. Unfortunately it was too strong and I was not able to control it. My parents tried to help me, but they failed… Whatever the rumour you heard about what happened to my mother, were true. It was me who killed her._**

 _Aizawa stopped and looked at his friend, who with a hand, made him continue reading, as he knew, where he stopped._

 ** _I won't tell you all that happened, but I do admit it right now… I am a murderer that many took me for. Not many know about it. Only some heroes, and police officers… and him. You were aware of my relations with this man. I learned to live with him ignoring me, for all this years, but I couldn't ignore the fact, that he has decided to become a villain…_**

 ** _It was than I have understood, that I will never become a hero. I do not have a right to do it. I don't deserve it. I still remember those words he said "A murderer cannot become a hero". And he was right. But I did want to catch him and make sure, that he will be stopped and caught by no one else but me. This is why I gave up on an idea of becoming a hero, and I am now going on my first mission as an undercover agent a so called anti-hero. I cant tell you anything more._**

 ** _I will try to find my father and kill him. Well… I guess Endeavour was right. A murdered will always stay a murderer._**

 ** _I am sorry Hizashi. I want you to know, that you have been the best friend I could have ever ask for, and I truly do not deserved you. I love you and I want you to know it._**

 ** _I am sorry._**

 ** _P.S. Please apologise to Shouta!_**

 _He was looking at the piece of paper for a while, after finishing reading, not actually understanding, what he just read._

 _\- I found her, before she left- Hizashi started- I am so sorry, Shouta, but I wasn't able to stop her- Aizawa gave the letter back to his friend and sighed, hiding half of his face under the scarf._

 _\- I guess nothing could have been done- and then he left, not even once coming to this house again._

He was looking at you not being able to answer.

\- I'm not sure myself- he said, and scolded himself, seeing you pulsed at his words- you showed us so many faces, that I don't know which one of them were true- you lowered the head and swallowed feeling a pinch in heart.

\- I guess you're right- you said finally. You bit your lips when you sounded so weak and shaky. Partly because the pain started to be again, beyond endurance.

\- I wish I wasn't – you looked up hearing his quite, harsh tone- so tell me right now, which face are you showing me now? And which one is true? Is there even a real one, or did you forgot how to be yourself, through out all this time- you widened your eyes, not being ready for his bluffness.

\- You're a bit harsh, Aizawa…- you whispered, clinching your fists, feeling as something painful stuck in your throat.

\- Am I ?- he asked, staring at you, like that would make you change anything. You couldn't state how mad he was. You weren't even sure if he truly was mad, but his tone and words he used, hurt you.

\- It wasn't easy for me…- you started- saying goodbye to you all was the…

\- Well, you didn't even manage to say goodbye to me… so I guess it wasn't so hard for you- you looked him with tears in your eyes, which completely surprised him. He didn't expect you cry in front of him.

\- You don't understand, right?

\- Understand what ? – he hissed, hearing your shaking voice. You nudged the tears away and shook your head.

\- This is not a place, nor the time to talk about it- you said with a harsh tone, which surprised him. He was sitting there, looking at you. He knew that you were right, but he needed to know… he wanted to know, what happened those ten years ago.

\- I guess it never is- he stated, getting up slowly. You gave him a hurtful look and bit your lip, feeling metal taste in your mouth.

\- Have you noticed, that you look at me, like all of them do?- he stopped quickly hearing your voice- you are the last person I wanna see that look in eyes. The look that have doubts in me…- you stopped for a second, getting rid of the tears coming from your eyes- you always had confidence in me, when no one else did… Even when I lost all the faith… You were there for me… Aizawa… I need you more than you think…

\- And where were you, when I needed you?- you gasped hearing his sad, but firm tone- I am sorry, we are not what we were ten years ago… at this point I don't even know if we were 'anything'- you wanted to stop him, scream after him, when he closed the doors, but you couldn't, because of the lamp that appeared in your throat. Even if you before thought, hoped that he didn't hate you, you were sure now. He did, and there was nothing you could have done to change it. No words, not action. Especially the truth. He didn't deserve to know the truth. You didn't deserve to love him. You were nothing but a monster, who does nothing else but hurt his friends. They were all right. Endeavour, your father… Why did you say yes to this troublesome work? You could just confront Police and make yourself stay and do finish your mission. Find your father and make good on the promise you made on your mother's grave. And then disappear for ever. No one would miss you. Hizashi and Midnight would feel sad, but it wouldn't make them suffer, All Might would probably try to get sort of revenge, but nothing that would bring harm to anyone… There would be no students who would worry about you… And him… He wouldn't care at all. You wonder if he even remembered about you before you came back… You should just disappear for ever, and make everyone's life easier.

You looked at your sheet, which started to get all wet, from the tears falling from your eyes. When did you become so sad and pathetic? It was better, when you were all alone. The nights spend outside, on the grass, looking at the stars, seemed the quintessence of your pitiful life. Yes, you didn't need to care for anyone, and worry about anyone. And no one needed to stay by your bed and make sure, that you will wake up. Why did you need to wake up…

You looked at your hands, and started nudging them one on the other, trying to get rid of the blood, that you've seen on them since you were six. Sometimes, at the happy times, you were able to ignore it, but when you felt like shite, you could even see it, through the gloves, that you wore all the time.

You turned and put the bandaged feet on floor and got up slowly. The pain was awful, but you needed to get rid of the blood, until it will make you insane. One step, after another. You started coughing, and blood fell on the floor in front of. You ignored it, and took another step. Your legs felt like they were on fire and every other step made it worse. You didn't care anymore. The pain, brought a weird relief. At least it made you feel like you are still human.

-Y/N!- you heard a voice next to you, but you couldn't recognise it. You just took another step forward and another cough and some blood left your lungs. Jumped to the right, when you felt a touch on your shoulder. You started to lose conscious. You started to breath faster and a cold sweat attacked your body. Toilet, you needed a toilet. You're gonna be sick… You needed water to wash that blood away- Y/N!- you pushed the person away, with all the power you had in you. You reached for the handle of the bathroom door, but before you were able to touch it, you fell on your knees, shaking, like you were freezing to death. You closed your eyes and started screaming through tears, when all the bodies, of all the people you killed, started to appear in front of you. And there she was, your mother covered in blood, pointing at you and calling you a murderer. You wanted to run to her and apologise, hug her, and promise, that you will do anything to make him pay for her death. But she didn't want his death… She wanted to see you die.

You felt your body relax a bit, when strong arms hugged you. They were so warm and so far away from the nightmare you were just involved in. Before you were able to say anything you started to cough again, spitting some blood on the man's chest. The arms hugged you even more, when you started to cry again, holding stronger to his shirt.

-Hizashi- you whispered, and felt a hand slowly smoothing on your back- Hizashi, please take this away from me…I don't wanna feel that anymore!

\- Shhh, baby girl, shhh- he looked at you with fear in eyes. He was holding you tight to him, as he was scared of losing you. He never seen you like that. You looked like you were day dreaming, but you were conscious. He was patting you slowly on your back, until you calm down and fall asleep again. He than took you on hand and put you down in bed, only now noticing, the wet stain on your covers. You were crying… A lot. His heart stopped beating for a second, finally slowly understanding what he just saw. You had a panic attack. A strong one… He gasped not even wanting to think, how it would end, if he didn't walk in. He turned and took a dry blanket from one of the shelves and covered you with it. He run fingers through your hair, and sighed, thinking whether it was the first time that it happened to you. He couldn't even think what you went through, in the past ten years. All alone, against the world, having to say goodbye to your friends, and him… the one you loved more than anyone.

 _\- I asked you not to come- you said calmly, feeling his presence behind you- you never listen do you?_

 _\- Not when you want to do something as idiotic as this!- he hissed at you, which surprised you. It wasn't often you heard him lose his patience. But could you blame him?_

 _\- Hizashi- you took your bag and turned around- I told you everything in the letter- and you started to walk towards him. You looked down, feeling his hand on your arm._

 _\- What about him? What about Shouta?! Did you leave him a letter like that as well?- you shook you head, and got free from his grasp._

 _\- I didn't leave him anything- his eyes widened, not believing what he's hearing- I am barely stopping myself from crying in front of you right now- you said, looking down on the floor- I… can't even imagine what I should tell him… I cant even imagine saying goodbye to him, Hizashi. It hurts too much. I love him, so much, that I am happy to make him hate me, than to know that he will suffer after my death._

 _\- Shut up- you pulsed feeling his arms, closing all over you- don't you dare say those things! You are like my little sister, you are my baby girl! You have to come back, do you hear me!- he shouted into your ear, making you gasp. You couldn't take it anymore… Before he would say anything more, you hit him in the neck, and held him, protecting him from falling._

When you came back, when he seen you at this meeting room, it was like a dream. You came back and you were all right. Alive as ever and you even smiled and made your kind of jokes. It looked normal, until you saw Shouta. The pain in your eyes, made him feel like you didn't really wanted to come back. And that the feelings you had for his idiotic friend, where still inside you and didn't cool down. What happened in USJ just made him understand that you were truly ready to do anything for Aizawa, and that scared the hell out of him. As your self-proclaimed older brother, he wanted to save you and protect from any bad from this world, even if he needed to protect you from one and only person, you ever truly loved. He looked at you with pain in eyes and left, with a total mess in his head.

Aizawa left your room and started walking up the stair to the floor. He stopped coming here, after the high school days were over, but now it felt like the best place ot be. He was happy the school day was over and there were no kids present. He leaned against the wall and sighed. He is seriously going to kill All Might. But to be honest, you opening up to those kids, was the last thing he thought you would do. The thought of you telling them about it all, just scared him. They did not need to know about it all. Your work, quirk and why you were truly here.

He sit down and closed his eyes. He slept worse than normally, after you came back. You were in his head all the time, and he wasn't able to et rid of you. He didn't know what to think, how to behave towards you. He was happy to see you alive, but couldn't get rid of the anger, when he thought of how you left with out a word. You were the only person, who he opened up to. Even Hizashi didn't know about all the things you knew. You were his best friend, a person to go to. To hide from annoying parents, problems and seek for help. You were the only one that seen him stressed to the level which made him cry out of anger… And then you just left. Your leave made him close up to people, believing, that there is no reason to trust anyone else. They will leave anyway… With out a note, with out a word.

He turned his gaze, when he heard the doors opening. He stood up quickly seeing stains of blood, on his friend's shirt. The blonde one came closer to him and without a word, just pushed him on the wall, holding him by his scarf.

\- Mic…- he started but shut, when he noticed his mad looking eyes.

\- What did you tell her!?- he hissed, gripping his scarf stronger second by second- why was she crying… why did she…- he stopped and let go of his friend, taking a step back- she came back, Shota! Why can't you be happy about it?

\- What happened?- he asked, ignoring the questions- who's blood is it?- Yamada sighed and sat down, feeling like what happened in the last fifteen minutes, would bring him to death. He was sure, the he should not tell Eraser head about what he saw.

\- Panic attack… She just gone through a panic attack!- Aizawa pulsed hearing his friend's sad voice. He did thought it is possible that she may have some issue, but would never see it as a panic attack… And from seeing, how Mic reacted it probably was a strong one- she looked so fragile… So weak… I don't even wanna think, of what she went through, those past ten years!

\- You're overreacting, Mic… She's probably…

\- You didn't see her, Aizawa!- black haired man, frowned hearing his surname. Yamada normally called him by his first name or hero name, so hearing this, made him quite stressed- I know your mad at her- he said after a while. He stood up and started walking to the doors- but please try to understand her… Try to walk in her shoes… Would you be able to say goodbye to someone you loved?!- and he just left, leaving ruffled Aizawa alone.


	11. Chapter 11- First day at UA- Flashback

You were looking at a huge building in front of you, feeling your heart beating dangerously fast. You still couldn't believe that, you, somehow, managed to get into U.A. The best school for aspiring heroes in Japan.

All those voices from your old classmates, and your father, telling you, how you will never be a hero, seemed to disappear, when you took a first step into the building. You never felt so happy in your life, as you were, when you got an acceptance letter. You didn't even plan on telling your father to which school you got in. Not like he would care. He wasn't even at the house that often. He seemed to work more, on something that was definitely not a hero work. But you didn't care. It wasn't your problem, nor your business. It wasn't like you missed him. You hated him, and planned on moving out from the house, the same day you finish 18 years.

You took a piece of paper from your pocket and started walking around the school, looking for the class 1A. You planned this year and other two to be different from the once before. You had enough of people looking at you in a weird way, too scared to touch you, or even talk to you. You never had a friend in your life. But that will change now…

Well only, if you wouldn't be such coward. The thought itself made you so anxious, that you felt sick. You were scared to see people's reaction, when you tell them about your quirk. The fear and discuss in their eyes, always made you feel so small. All you wanted, for your whole life to forget about that day, and be accepted for who you are and not because of the quirk, you didn't even chose. You were a good person, who just wanted to be a great hero and help others. You wanted to feel needed by others, and seek for people you would be able to worry about.

You put your hand, covered in black clothes, on the handle and released the air from your lungs. You couldn't move, take a step forward, couldn't even open the doors… And now, are you even planning on becoming a hero, who saves others, and fights villains.

\- Are you getting in, or not?- you pulsed hearing a deep, bored sounding voice. You turned around and notice two boys, your age, staring at you. One with dark hair and tired eyes, and the other, with funny looking blonde hair and sunglasses. You bowed a bit and moved to the right, letting them in. You could hear the brunet sighing a bit irritated, and the other one looking at you for a while, and then he did something you never expected to see from other kid. He smiled. A beautiful, bright smile, which seemed like the most beautiful smile in the world. Not being able to react, you looked down, feeling your cheeks burning. Seeing this, the boy chuckled and followed his friend into the class.

You didn't know that weird feeling you had in your heart, but you liked it. It felt nice and warm. And gave a power to go inside. There were already some students there, sitting on their desks and talking. They all turned their heads, when you walked in. You bowed and quickly, without saying a word, you walked into the most averted desk in the room and sit down, taking out a notebook, a pen and a book, which you started to read, right after you sit down.

You didn't do good with people. They scared you, and you would never come first and introduce yourself. You knew it was selfish, to hope, that someone could come and wanted to talk to you, but as much as you wanted the thought of walking to them by your own, just scared you too much.

\- Nice gloves!- your head shifted into the voice on your right. It was the same boy, with blonde hair, who was now pointing on your hand. You closed the book and looked at the black material, which helped you in separating from the whole world, saving you and others from your touch- can I try them on?- you gave him a scared look, and hid your hands under the table.

\- I'm sorry but no…- you said quietly. He gave you a surprised look and shrugged his shoulder, turning back to his desk. You lowered your head again, feeling ashamed. Why did you need to be so mean? You just scared away the only person, who talked to you voluntarily.

\- Ok, all of you, may sit down and stop talking!- a brown haired woman walked in and smiled to you all. She looked young and was really beautiful and well known. Miss Electra, was her hero name, and as it was easy to guess, her quirk was to control any electricity, which also made her incredible fast, when she used the taken electricity. You read about her in the news. She was a pro-hero, who mostly focused in rescuing, which made her even cooler at your eyes- looked at you! Young and ready to become future heroes! Good I like that look in your eyes- she stopped and looked at you and smiled more brightly- or a look that will appear in the near future- you felt blush coming into your cheeks, when everyone turned around to look at you- ok I want you all to stand up and introduce yourselves and tell me about your quirks. I will start!- you were listening and looking at everyone with fear, hearing about their normal but amazing quirks. Your attention was caught up by the boy from the before, with a tired look in his eyes.

\- Name is Aizawa Shouta. Quirk: Eraser. I can erase other people's quirks- and he sat down, not caring about all the whispers going around the class. Your eyes lightened when you thought about him being able to erase your quirk and help you to live normally. You shook your head quickly, realising, that you would never be able to ask him for that, and even if you somehow would become friends, you didn't want to live, making someone else's life an annoyance.

 **\- Yo, yo everybody!-** you widened your eyes hearing the blonde boy standing up energetically- my name is Hizashi Yamada, my quirk is voice! This allows me to increase the volume of voice and create a high pitched sounds! I like movies, TV and radio! Nice to meet ya all!

\- You are very energetic and loud even without your quirk- the teacher laughed giving him a thumbs up, and moving up to you as the last one in the class. You swallowed and stood up, feeling your legs shivering.

\- Y/N L/N… I mean my name is Y/N L/N, quirk: Energy absorption...- and you sit down quickly, trying to avoid everyone's stares.

\- Energy absorption? Interesting. Would you like to say something more about it? Does it have to do with the fact your wearing gloves during summer time? – you pulsed and looked at the pro-hero who was giving you a encouraging smile. You felt like you're gonna cry. You stood up again and clutching your fingers into wrist, you started with shaky voice.

\- I can absorb energy from around me, which gives me a boost. However, it badly affects my internal organs, however, they tend to heal, quite fast… And my gloves…- you bit your lip, and your yes went up, looking at your class teacher, who seemed quite surprise with what she heard- I need to wear them all the time… my touch is dangerous to people… and myself… My left hand can absorb people's energy from them, and my right gives people my own energy. I guess it can be considered as healing…- you sat down biting your lower lip, feeling scared gazes at you. Happily the class moved on, with some information about how the next month or two will look like. When the bell ringed, you took your bag, and before anyone, including miss Electra, you left the room.

Those same eyes. They looked so scared, and will probably grow to hate you, leaving you all alone, once again.

\- L/N- kun!- you stopped, completely surprised, when you heard a voice behind you. You turned around and widened your eyes seeing the same two boys, from the morning. They were walking towards you. Well the blonde one was, dragging his friend behind- we're going to grab something to eat, dare to join us?!- you gave him a surprised face. You looked around, to make sure, if he was truly talking to you.

\- You… you want to hang out with me?- you asked quietly, blushing again.

\- It's just lunch- Aizawa added. He was looking at you through out the class, after your introduction. You had an amazing quirk, which, not really understanding the reason, you hated. You seemed more antisocial than he himself, which made him surprised, you being the first one.

\- Are… Are you not afraid of me?!- both of them looked at you with a surprise.

\- Scared? Why would we be scared?- asked Hizashi, trying to catch up with your eyes, which you shifted down, looking at your school shoes.

\- That I may accidentally take your energy away, and hurt you? – there it was. The thing Aizawa noticed. How bullied she needed to be, to think about you quirk in this kind of way. Your awkwardness and anxiety makes it all more understandable.

\- As long as you're gonna wear those gloves, everything is going to be fine, right? – you nodded and pulsed, feeling a hand grabbing your and pulling you forward- than, lets go grab some food, cause I'm **STARVING!**


End file.
